check out this timeline I made since 2007.....
https://www.facebook.com/lupe.b.portillo/media_set?set=a.10202010035910414.1073741838.1171387928&type=3
If you want to catch up on this 2 year journey I've been on and how it all got started....read my first blog:
http://gravy4.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
51 pounds away from VICTORY!!!
It's been a while folks....
I've been struggling these past two weeks with the "mental" part of this journey.
In the middle of all of this....I've been struggling with guilt.
Guilt from what? Food? Not even close!
But food is what I go to when I'm struggling with the "mental" thing.
What I mean by "mental" - when I let stress, feelings, emotions CONSUME my thoughts.
So what's been on my mind? What is making me feel guilty?
I've been missing my mom for awhile. I have not seen her since last year December. I talk to her at least once a week. I love this time on the phone with her. But lately, I've been missing her. I have not been able to go visit. I think about how she is alone. I know she is fine. My mom is strong. She is doing well, but I still think of her being alone...and then this makes me begin to miss my dad. So the combination of not seeing my mom and missing my dad....just brings on guilt. I don't know how to explain this....but when it comes....I want to run to food. I just want to put things in my mouth. I realized these past two weeks that food has been my comfort. Food has been something that I run to for comfort. I never realized this until now.
So during these past two weeks, I just didn't have it in me. Don't get me wrong, I kept up with my clean eating, but I just felt blah. On top of that, last week I didn't go to the gym but only two days. Going to the gym is important to me. Why? Because when I work out, I get out my stress, frustrations and anything else that is on my mind. This helps me so much. And sure enough, missing almost the whole week, I had nothing to get my stress out. So by the end of the week, I wanted to cave. I wanted to crumble. I wanted to EAT! Eat bad stuff! Stuff that I have not eaten for almost 4 months!!! I controlled myself, but it was hard.
So, yea, I didn't even want to blog. And I love to write down my feelings. I love to express what is going on in my life during this journey. I love to inspire others. But it wasn't there!
So here we are. At the 3 1/2 month mark. On Friday (Oct. 4) I had my follow up. I'll be honest with you, I wasn't sure what to expect with this follow up. I knew I hadn't cheated. I knew I had done my best. But just didn't know what to expect. I even told my nutritionist that I just wasn't sure.
So in the end, I lost another 4 pounds bringing me to a total of 33 pounds since I started on June 24, 2012. AWESOMENESS!!! Wow, to think that I am 51 pounds away from my goal! I can smell it! I can taste it! I can see it! The transformation is amazing! I left my follow-up on Friday, feeling joy. Feeling accomplishment. I cried (secretly inwardly).
Speaking of crying....I've always been a cry baby. I cry under all types of emotions: good or bad. That's just how I am. Well, I have not had a good cry lately. I also feel like this has affected me. I remember when my dad passed away. The end result......I hadn't really cried. I hadn't really had that moment of release. I had this moment of release a whole year and half later. So I know that when I do not release.....things don't go well for me.
So here I am, Monday night, 11pm......writing this blog is giving me some release. Working out at the gym today gave me more release. I talked with mom on the phone last night and it felt good...I'm gonna be okay. I'm gonna be okay.
The choice that I have made to live this life of clean eating is NOT FOR A SEASON! It is forever. I will have good days and I will have bad days. BUT I WILL NOT RETURN TO A LIFE OF MISERY....SADNESS....LAZINESS....UNHEALTHINESS.....I refuse to live like that again. I choose to LIVE my life VICTORIOUS...one day at a time.
I have taken on a new MOJO in my journey.....
I've been struggling these past two weeks with the "mental" part of this journey.
In the middle of all of this....I've been struggling with guilt.
Guilt from what? Food? Not even close!
But food is what I go to when I'm struggling with the "mental" thing.
What I mean by "mental" - when I let stress, feelings, emotions CONSUME my thoughts.
So what's been on my mind? What is making me feel guilty?
I've been missing my mom for awhile. I have not seen her since last year December. I talk to her at least once a week. I love this time on the phone with her. But lately, I've been missing her. I have not been able to go visit. I think about how she is alone. I know she is fine. My mom is strong. She is doing well, but I still think of her being alone...and then this makes me begin to miss my dad. So the combination of not seeing my mom and missing my dad....just brings on guilt. I don't know how to explain this....but when it comes....I want to run to food. I just want to put things in my mouth. I realized these past two weeks that food has been my comfort. Food has been something that I run to for comfort. I never realized this until now.
So during these past two weeks, I just didn't have it in me. Don't get me wrong, I kept up with my clean eating, but I just felt blah. On top of that, last week I didn't go to the gym but only two days. Going to the gym is important to me. Why? Because when I work out, I get out my stress, frustrations and anything else that is on my mind. This helps me so much. And sure enough, missing almost the whole week, I had nothing to get my stress out. So by the end of the week, I wanted to cave. I wanted to crumble. I wanted to EAT! Eat bad stuff! Stuff that I have not eaten for almost 4 months!!! I controlled myself, but it was hard.
So, yea, I didn't even want to blog. And I love to write down my feelings. I love to express what is going on in my life during this journey. I love to inspire others. But it wasn't there!
So here we are. At the 3 1/2 month mark. On Friday (Oct. 4) I had my follow up. I'll be honest with you, I wasn't sure what to expect with this follow up. I knew I hadn't cheated. I knew I had done my best. But just didn't know what to expect. I even told my nutritionist that I just wasn't sure.
So in the end, I lost another 4 pounds bringing me to a total of 33 pounds since I started on June 24, 2012. AWESOMENESS!!! Wow, to think that I am 51 pounds away from my goal! I can smell it! I can taste it! I can see it! The transformation is amazing! I left my follow-up on Friday, feeling joy. Feeling accomplishment. I cried (secretly inwardly).
Speaking of crying....I've always been a cry baby. I cry under all types of emotions: good or bad. That's just how I am. Well, I have not had a good cry lately. I also feel like this has affected me. I remember when my dad passed away. The end result......I hadn't really cried. I hadn't really had that moment of release. I had this moment of release a whole year and half later. So I know that when I do not release.....things don't go well for me.
So here I am, Monday night, 11pm......writing this blog is giving me some release. Working out at the gym today gave me more release. I talked with mom on the phone last night and it felt good...I'm gonna be okay. I'm gonna be okay.
The choice that I have made to live this life of clean eating is NOT FOR A SEASON! It is forever. I will have good days and I will have bad days. BUT I WILL NOT RETURN TO A LIFE OF MISERY....SADNESS....LAZINESS....UNHEALTHINESS.....I refuse to live like that again. I choose to LIVE my life VICTORIOUS...one day at a time.
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