Live Life

This past Saturday was such an inspiration to me.  Our church held it's very first LIVE LIFE Health Fair.  The idea behind this "jump start to healthy living".  As people walked around and visited the booths, talked, laughed, worked out.....I was overcome with emotions.  To think that at one point in my life......I JUST DIDN'T CARE.

I just didn't care about....
1.  my weight - as long as I never got on a scale, it was okay
2.  my size - thank goodness for stores that now sell plus sizes
3.  my attitude - this is the way God made me, I'm short and I'm big bone and flat footed
4.  my view on life - as long as I am living for God nothing else matters because this is not even my heavenly body, it is so temporary
5.  my goal in life - I really didn't have one
6.  my family - oh yeah, I love my family and all, but apparently dying because I am obese was far from my mind
7.  my thoughts - as long as I kept them all inside, no one would have to know
8.  my marriage - I have me a man that loves me and that's all that matters, he is too kind to ever tell me anything
9.  others - IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
10.  money - it costs too much to pay for a gym, to eat healthy, to even try something...I can't afford it

So here I am sitting here writing because it hits me at the weirdest times of the day....LOL.  But it is so real....I JUST DIDN'T CARE.

Here is how I feel today....
1.  my weight - I can't believe that I carried so much weight on this 5' frame.  I still hate scales, but hey, they really do speak the truth.  Another reason I hardly would go to the doctor because they would tell me I needed to lose weight.  I am looking for some pictures that I have, they show me probably at my heaviest, but I never knew how heavy because I did not get on a scale.  At the health fair, I was actually excited to step on the scale at one of the booths so that I could be told my results:
Weight 156.2
BMI: 30.5
Body Fat%: 33.8%
Body Fat Mass: 52.6lb
Body Fat Range: HEALTHY
Fat Free Mass:  103.4 lb
Visceral Fat Rating:  8
Body Water%:  46.3%
Body Water Mass:  72.4lb
Muscle Mass:  98.2lb
Bone Mass:  5.2lb
Basal Metabolic Rate:  1405 kcal
Metabolic Age:  47 years old
Daily Calorie Intake:  2304 kcal
Physique Rating:  6-Standard Muscular

2.  my size - do you know how hard it truly is to find plus sizes for someone short like me?  Do you know how many blouses/tops that I had to buy even bigger than I needed them because I DO NOT HAVE ANY BOOBS, but my stomach area was too big for the blouses/tops so I had to go even bigger.  Everything is TOO LONG....I am so short.  When I finally began to lose the inches...wow!  In my 47 years of life, the biggest size I ever bought was 22/24.  When I went with my nutritionist 9 months ago I was wearing a size 18.  Today I wear a size 8.  Do you know how hard it still is to buy clothes???  LOL because I am short.....in the words of my nutritionist..."you are a petite woman".  Yep....I have learn to say..."I am petite".  I love to be able to go to any store and just look on the racks for size 8.  Sometimes I don't even try on, I just buy....SCORE!

3.  my attitude - yes God did make me 5ft tall, flat footed and with some German blood in me.  But here is something I've learned in my walk...I represent Christ.  I honestly feel that if Christ would of been overweight/unhealthy don't you think the writers of the bible would of mentioned that?????  I remember them mentioning in the bible about a prophet being so overweight that he fell over and died!

4.  my view on life - I have been a Christian since like forever.  I have had my RUN AWAY from God, but here I am today living for him, working for him, representing him.  The bible does say we are not here forever.  The bible says we will leave these temporary bodies one day and join him with our new heavenly bodies.  Here's what I think...NOW...God loaned me this body...shouldn't I take care of it?  It's not like I can go in every 10 years and get a newer model/upgrade.  This is another reason I no longer drink.  I just feel that this part of my life of drinking practically destroyed me.  Would I like a drink, sure, will one hurt me???  Me..yes.  (Another one of those deep secrets I held on to)

5.  my goal in life - I basically feel that here is where a lot has happened.  Ever since I have been in full-time ministry (since 1987), I have NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR ME.  What's my goal in life:  live for God, enjoy every moment of my life with my family, fall deeper in love with my one true love - Ramon Portillo, start my own event planning business, RUN A MARATHON!!!!

6.  my family - the kids love their mom, cuddle with mom, see mom as mom, the kids are growing up and mom worries that she is not feeding them right, the kids have struggles, the kids today now see mom that she has admitted to her unhealthy life-style and she is doing something about it.  the kids understand that mom has struggles, but she is a survivor.  the kids need to know that mom wants the best for them and she wants to be around for A VERY LONG TIME.....to love them, cuddle them, cuddle their babies and so on........

7.  my thoughts - deep down inside are the darkest hurts/fears/losses/victories...that is why I blog and share.

8.  my marriage - to the one true guy that never ever told me that I was ugly, overweight, stupid....he fell in love with me.  He chose me.  Most of all, he has held my hand since day one and he continues to hold my hand.  Everyday I fall madly in love with him.  Everyday I miss him when he is not around.  Ramon and I have shared the same job for 26 years.  We are so use to being with each other all day long and we wouldn't change it for the world.  He is not sick of me and I am not sick of him.  He gets on my nerves and I get on his nerves.  I make him laugh and he makes me smile.  He has seen me for who I am and I have seen him for who he is.....and we remain as one.  We have faithfully kept our eyes on each other and no one else.  He still makes my heart go pitter patter and I still turn him on.  He loves my body and tells me and I love his!  And honestly, all the weight loss has been great for our sex life.  I am now pre-menopause so we are going through changes, but we can roll with it!!

9.  Others - yea pretty much if you ask me, "how I lost the weight", "what am I doing", "what do I eat", "where do I run"....I'll answer.  If people don't ask, I won't stand on a street corner and shout it.....I just blog, I share, I answer......

10.  money - pretty much if you can keep spending money on take out food instead of groceries, your always going to use this excuse.  I get it, I'm busy too and sometimes I do not have time to cook.  But I figure this...If I have time to watch a 2 hour football game, I can cook.  If I have time to go for a one hour run, I have time to cook.  If I have time to go to a party and stay there for 4 hours, I have time to cook.  If I have time to watch my favorite TV show and about 5 episodes in all one sitting, I have time to cook.  I figure, If I can dedicate 2-3 hours of cooking on a Sunday afternoon, I can get a whole weeks work of food cooked and ready....and the money I am saving my family.  Sure Ramon and I go out to eat, but not everyday.  I also figure, if I can't afford a membership at a gym that I probably won't go to as much, then just get up and go walk, run, ride a bike, chase your kids, buy a $3 ball at wal-mart and play with the kids, take the dog(s) for a walk, park far away in the parking lot every where I go and walk, take the stairs instead.....yea you get the picture.  We always have money for the things we WANT and cry about.....but we never have enough money to DO THE THINGS WE KNOW ARE GOOD FOR US.

Check out the chart you can see my journey since day one in June of 2013.

49 pounds lighter, no more high blood pressure meds, running like nobody's business!

It's been a while since the last blog.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed with everything that's going on with me.  Even I can't believe some of this stuff.  I catch myself:  crying, gasping, smiling at times.  It's not even about the clothes I fit into or the running....it's EVERYTHING!!  I think what still amazes me is when people, who have not seen me in a while, gasp (a good gasp) when they see me.  This...I will never get use to!  The craziness of how I am shrinking......so yea, here we go.......

March 8th I ran my first 8K!  Wow, that was hard!  The first half was nothing but climbing up Brown St. and then turning on Rim and then up to Scenic Drive.  The part where it was pretty steep, all I kept saying to myself, DON'T STOP RUNNING!!!!  You know what helped me here?  The fact that a lot of other people had stopped running and had to walk.  Are you kidding me...this just gave me a boost! To know that in my head I had set my mind.....YOU WILL NOT WALK....YOU WILL RUN!!!!  It felt great!  Finally after all the climbing, time to come down.  Running downhill is even harder.  You have to use all your muscles in your legs to hold yourself to not just let the decline take you.  I did it!  I ran my very first 8K in 1hour, 1min., and 52 seconds.....so so so proud of myself.  This is one of those moments where I catch myself:  crying, gasping, smiling.  This run I dedicated it to my nutritionist: Georgina Fourzan.  Some of you think that I might be a little obsessed by saying she "saved me".  But believe me, when you can walk out of the doctor's office and she has told you, "no more high blood pressure meds".....uh yeah....she saved me.  When your nutritionist tells you that you are no longer in the health risk category....uh yeah....she saved me.

So if you are keeping score, here is where I am at:  June 21, 2013 I weighed in at 204 pounds.  My nutritionist gave me the target to lose:  84 pounds.  I have lost 49 pounds as of March 13, 2014.....drum roll please.....35 more pounds to go!!!!  My nutritionist said that I can get this done by the time my one year of Clean Eating comes around......June 21, 2014.  If you ask me, I am gonna hit it before that date!!  Score!  Once again I catch myself:  crying, gasping, smiling.

March 17, 2014.  I had to go to Phoenix for a training for an event we are having in August.  We get there, we sit in the first session and then it's time to go eat dinner.  The company had a place for all of us to go eat together and spend some quality time talking and getting to know each other.  So we get there, find a place to sit with others.  Everyone is sitting together at random tables.  Great time meeting and talking with so many.  Some people have ordered the chicken (me of course) and others have ordered the beef.  One guy from San Diego, is commenting on how he ordered the beef because in California hardly anybody eats beef, ha ha!  We are all laughing and just making comments.  This same guy then looks across to this other guy (I have not met him yet at that time) and asks, "what do you say about beef, your the cardiologist".  Of course everyone looks over to him and he starts talking.  So yea, we are sitting there and in the midst is a cardiologist.  So everyone is talking "food" stuff and what is good for you and what is not good for you and what you should eat and shouldn't eat.  And there I go....I just had to.  I honestly felt right then and there to speak.  So I did.  I look over to the cardiologist and say, "so your a cardiologist...you'll get a kick out of this"  "On March 3rd, my doctor cleared me of high blood pressure, no more meds"....and so I begin to share with the group my journey of Clean Eating.  As the faces begin to focus in on me and as I continue to share, I notice that it's pretty quiet and everyone is experiencing what I am experiencing:  crying, gasping, smiling. When I finish speaking, the flood of questions come at me.  What?  What do you eat?  How much did you say you lost?  Clean Eating is that similar to the Paleo Diet?  Can you eat Dark Chocolate?  Ha ha! I love it!  So I answer, I share, I laugh.....

Now back to the guy from San Diego....he then speaks to the cardiologist, "what do you think about this?"  "have you ever heard anything like this?"  I turn over and look at the cardiologist, and he is smiling.  He begins to say that this is so rare because people just don't change their eating life-style. They stay on their meds pretty much forever or don't even take them.  He shared with me that I must have some determination.  Then another person asked me what got me started to do this.  I then began to share about my dad passing away almost 4 years now and how that rattled my world.  Once again: crying, gasping, smiling.  So needless to say after all was said and done, I was encouraged by new found friends and deep in my heart that night, I was once again reminded why I began this journey.  I was once again reminded why I want to live.  Psalm 70.

Next day, we arrive to the place where we are training.  People are getting there, everyone is saying their good mornings, etc.  In about 10 minutes as people are getting there, I get bombarded (in a good way) by 5 people and then more.  All I can hear is, "this is the lady I told you about," "tell my friend what you shared last night," etc.   The San Diego guy comes up to me and says that he called his wife last night to tell her about me, why????  Because his wife is a nutritionist!  Ha ha!  Yes!!!  She told him that she believed it!  She believed every word of it because Clean Eating can CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!! This was crazy!  I was laughing because these people from the night before had gone back to their hotel and shared with others and now this morning, everyone wants to know.  So yea, I kept answering questions.  It was the neatest thing ever.

Break time comes, some others come back up to ask me more.  I then realized....my blog.  I need to tell them about my blog.  So I shared that I have been blogging for 2 years about my journey.  I then handed out my business card with my facebook link.  Everyone was so excited to find me on facebook and start reading my blogs.  Once again:  crying, gasping, smiling.

The end of the training has come, people are saying their good-byes.  San Diego guy comes and thanks me for sharing and how I have inspired him.  The two ladies from Maryland also thanked me for sharing and inspiring them.  Then there was the cardiologist.  He shook my hand and said keep it up. But one more guy.  This guy was sitting to the left of me at that dinner.  He asked questions, he talked, but that was it.  He came up to me to say good-bye.  He was all choked up and shook my hand and said "Thank you for sharing your story.  You  have no idea how you have inspired me.  You have no idea how you have impacted my life."  And yes, once again:  crying, gasping, smiling.

For months now I have been wanting to make a facebook page of my journey.  I just hadn't done it. After this encounter, I decided to do it.  I know that God has been speaking to my life in so many ways. I am compelled to share my journey so that others can know that it's okay...just take it moment by moment.  As I have shared in my blogs my ups and downs, I want to keep it in front of me and anyone else that needs inspiration......https://www.facebook.com/gravybihl

Now to close this blog....I want to share something from the deepest of my heart.
I am real.  I am human.  I fail.  I will continue to fail.  I am not perfect.  I will never be perfect.  I will always struggle with eating.  I am an addict.  I am a food addict.  I am weak.  I am insecure.  I am a failure.  My skin that hangs from my arms reminds me of my failing body.  The skin that hangs from my stomach and where the 2 c-sections I had reminds me that I made horrible eating mistakes for years. Everytime I drive by Peter Piper Pizza I have to drive away fast.  When I am alone in the house I must keep myself busy or I will binge.  When I run, I hear my skin flapping.  I want to eat Cheetos.  I want to drink Dr. Pepper.  I want to eat popcorn.  I want fritos and bean dip.  I want trail mix with m&m.  I want pizza from Cocomiel Restaurant.  I ate a hamburger with cheese animal style on March 18th from Inn and Out Burger.  My stomach is messed up today because I ate that burger.  I signed up to run another 5K tomorrow.  I bought me a pair of pants today and they were a size 8.  I bought me a shirt today and it was a medium. I am playing volleyball on Sundays.  I no longer snore at night.  I no longer struggle to walk up stairs. I wake up early because my metabolism is working correct.  I look forward to running in the early am. My sex life with my husband is SUPER.  My kids inspire me to keep on living.  I am taking on new challenges everyday......once again:  crying, gasping, smiling.

So I leave you with this.....
On May 17th, I will be 48 years old.
In June my husband and I will be vacationing in Creel, Mexico, where we will do some adventure stuff!  I am looking for a place to run over there as well.
In August I will be joining my husband and I will be doing a triathlon with him.  Don't even ask me where that came from...but yep...I'm up for this challenge!
In December, the husband and I will be running in a half-marathon.
LIVE LIFE!  Psalm 70

this is me coming in to the finish line from my 8K!