...a phone call that changed the trajectory of my life

I know it's been a while since my last blog.  I always try to wait for a follow-up from my nutritionist before I blog.  This helps me keep on track and gives me more stuff to write about.  What a crazy month I've had.  Blogging is hard.  You have to be in the mood.  Plus you have to make time to write down your thoughts.  On the lighter side,  blogging is easy because you can just write down your thoughts and your feelings and BOOM.....just like journaling!  (but I'm sort of in the mood to write, ha ha)

On May 17th I celebrated my 48th birthday.  That was great!  I was reminded at 7am when I went for my run that I AM ALIVE!  It was the first time I had ever ran 6 miles and even yet I ran more than 6 miles.  The night before when I went to bed, I declared a new "birthday" tradition for myself.  Every year I want to run on my birthday and push it harder than the year before!!!  So it was a great start for 2014 at age 48.  WOW!!!

As my mood changes....May 19 came and I was reminded of my dad's birthday.  4 years ago on my dad's birthday, Ramon, Julia, Andrew and I were on vacation.  It was our last day at Disneyland. Around lunch time I took time to call my dad and wish him a happy birthday.  He didn't answer.  30 minutes later, he calls me back.  He had been running errands and was heading back from Midland to get ready for church that evening.  He was so excited because he and mom were going to lead prayer that night in church for the pastor.  He was getting ready to get his guitar and list of songs to lead that night.  He was feeling good and so happy.  He was telling me how he had led a friend (my brother-in-laws father) to God and how he was enjoying bringing him to church and watching him grow in God. Conversation is over, we hang up and I'm done.

The day was coming to an end and we were doing our last shopping at Disneyland.  My phone rings again.  This time it's my oldest sister calling to tell me that dad is being rushed to Lubbock, he had a stroke.  My life has been interrupted with a phone call that changed the trajectory of my life........

The drive to the restaurant was somber.  I was sad.  I was concerned.  I didn't know what was going on.  We eat dinner.  We get back to our hotel.  I am exhausted in all ways imaginable.....I fall asleep so heavy.  All I can remember is that I am sound asleep and my phone rings again......another call that continues to change the trajectory of my life.....

My sister is on the other end informing me that it does not look good.  Dad is pretty much on life support.  So yeah, at this point on my father's 70th birthday, he is fixing to leave me forever.  So as I hang up the phone and cry yet even more, all I can think is to get home.

We arrive in Arizona for our next stop.  We had planned on staying in Arizona for 2 days before we headed home from our vacation.  We stayed only one day.  At this point, I do not want to go see my dad hooked up to machines.  This is not the last image I need to see of him.  We tried looking for flights so I could leave, but it was ridiculous.  Needless to say, we stayed the night so I could rest and then headed out the following day.

May 21st is here.  It's time to get up and head home to re-pack and then head to Big Spring.  First things first, the third phone call.  This one I was expecting.  It was my sister once again.  My brother had finally arrived in Lubbock to see dad.  Pretty much my mother and my siblings and I had decided to keep dad on life support until my brother arrived.  Now comes my turn.  The room where my dad is is quiet.  My sister calls me so I can say my good-byes.  Over the phone....I say my good-bye to my dad. I had written down my thoughts that morning, but pretty much could hardly utter out the words. All I know is that saying good-bye to your father over the phone......is the hardest thing.  So I finished, spoke with my sister, cried with my sister, hung up.  I cried with Ramon.  Time to go home.  On top of all of this......May 21 is Ramon's birthday.  Now that we are coming up on 4 years since my dad passed, it has gotten a little easier.  I remember the first year after his passing how guilty I felt.  I felt guilty because I was happy and celebrating my husbands birthday and then I would get sad because I was beating myself up for "forgetting" that my dad was not there.  Sounds silly, but yep, this is what I went through for awhile.

4 years are here.  Am I sad?  Yes.  Have I cried?  Yes.  Has each year gotten better?  Yes.  Do I miss my dad?  Yes.  Will I continue to miss him?  Yes.  Is this normal?  Yes.  The greatest thing in my life since all this happened, is what I am doing now.

Remember what I wrote...."a phone call that changed the trajectory of my life..."?  Well it did.  It has. Ever since May 19, 2010.....I knew deep down in my heart I needed change.  I was headed down the same path that would lead me to death.  High Blood Pressure, borderline diabetic, OBESE.  Yep, those 3 things sum it all up.

No I did not start right away.  I went through a lot before I decided to change my life.  I went through a year of still thinking I was okay.  Well, I wasn't.  Slowly I began to make changes.  I started walking.  I started cooking better.  I started making small steps.  I went to a counselor to help me with my grieving. I began to come out of my funk.  My marriage had to heal.  My relationships had to heal.  From May 2010 to January 2011, I had to make some major changes in my life...and so I did.

Here is my story.
January 2011, I joined a workout gym.  I began to hit it everyday.  I made even more drastic changes on my eating.  I began to feel better about myself.  There were small changes happening to me.  One of those small changes was my high blood pressure meds.  My doctor was cutting it down in little pieces.

June 21, 2013, I knew I needed more so I found a nutritionist.  Here is where my life really changed. Here is where I had to face my demons.  Here is where I had to face my addiction:  FOOD!  Yep, I had to face the ONE THING THAT I RAN TO FOR COMFORT...FOOD!  The ONE THING that gave me the excuse to be me.  The ONE THING that makes it all go away.  So my first day with my nutritionist I went in weighing 203 pounds.  It's not only the pounds folks, it was the fat.  The ugliness of fat that was inside of my body that was KILLING ME.  I walked out of there with the biggest challenge in my life.  I would have to choose LIFE over FOOD.  I would have to choose every single item that I put in my body.

March 2014, I go visit my doctor.  She completely takes me OFF of my high blood pressure.  I'm done! No more ever again.

May 16, 2014, I went in for a follow-up with my nutritionist.  I lost another 3 pounds of fat.  Total to the day I have lost 54 pounds.  I went in wearing a size 18, I am wearing a size 8.
This past month was a struggle.  I know that I am still working hard and that I MUST CONTINUE to make the right choices to live.  My nutritionist put it this way for me.  You are no longer climbing, you are now coming down this hill.  And this is even harder.  When we are coming down from this incline of hard work, we know we are almost to the end.  We know that it's easier coming down and "I've got this in the bag", we coast......WRONG!  Now that I have been running, I've learned that when you are coming down from a hill, it's even harder!!!!!  Why?  Because if you do not support yourself and hold yourself back you will come down that hill flat on your face or on your butt!  You will hurt your thighs, shins, hams, you name it!  You have to use all those muscles to hold yourself not to accelerate your speed or will come tumbling down.

So yes, as I am coming down this long hill I've been climbing, June 21, 2014 is coming quickly, and it will be my one year mark that I started this new life choice of clean eating.  I am keeping my pace and I am looking forward to NOT FINISH, but CONTINUE and PERSEVERE!!!

So as I live this life at 48......all I can say is....Thank you God for saving me.  I know it's still sad to think that my father passed away and I will not see him, but one day I will.  And I know that he is looking over me.  I know he is very proud of me and what I am doing to live!  I also know that it's okay to celebrate my hubby's birthday on the 21st.  This year he will be 50....and I want to celebrate it with him and my kids.  I want to enjoy his day with laughter and love.

As I look forward to doing so many more things with my life.
Right now.......all is well with my soul.

This song speaks volumes about my story.  On my 48th birthday this is what I gave to myself.  It's permanent, it hurt, but it's there FOREVER to remind me!

Live Life

This past Saturday was such an inspiration to me.  Our church held it's very first LIVE LIFE Health Fair.  The idea behind this "jump start to healthy living".  As people walked around and visited the booths, talked, laughed, worked out.....I was overcome with emotions.  To think that at one point in my life......I JUST DIDN'T CARE.

I just didn't care about....
1.  my weight - as long as I never got on a scale, it was okay
2.  my size - thank goodness for stores that now sell plus sizes
3.  my attitude - this is the way God made me, I'm short and I'm big bone and flat footed
4.  my view on life - as long as I am living for God nothing else matters because this is not even my heavenly body, it is so temporary
5.  my goal in life - I really didn't have one
6.  my family - oh yeah, I love my family and all, but apparently dying because I am obese was far from my mind
7.  my thoughts - as long as I kept them all inside, no one would have to know
8.  my marriage - I have me a man that loves me and that's all that matters, he is too kind to ever tell me anything
9.  others - IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
10.  money - it costs too much to pay for a gym, to eat healthy, to even try something...I can't afford it

So here I am sitting here writing because it hits me at the weirdest times of the day....LOL.  But it is so real....I JUST DIDN'T CARE.

Here is how I feel today....
1.  my weight - I can't believe that I carried so much weight on this 5' frame.  I still hate scales, but hey, they really do speak the truth.  Another reason I hardly would go to the doctor because they would tell me I needed to lose weight.  I am looking for some pictures that I have, they show me probably at my heaviest, but I never knew how heavy because I did not get on a scale.  At the health fair, I was actually excited to step on the scale at one of the booths so that I could be told my results:
Weight 156.2
BMI: 30.5
Body Fat%: 33.8%
Body Fat Mass: 52.6lb
Body Fat Range: HEALTHY
Fat Free Mass:  103.4 lb
Visceral Fat Rating:  8
Body Water%:  46.3%
Body Water Mass:  72.4lb
Muscle Mass:  98.2lb
Bone Mass:  5.2lb
Basal Metabolic Rate:  1405 kcal
Metabolic Age:  47 years old
Daily Calorie Intake:  2304 kcal
Physique Rating:  6-Standard Muscular

2.  my size - do you know how hard it truly is to find plus sizes for someone short like me?  Do you know how many blouses/tops that I had to buy even bigger than I needed them because I DO NOT HAVE ANY BOOBS, but my stomach area was too big for the blouses/tops so I had to go even bigger.  Everything is TOO LONG....I am so short.  When I finally began to lose the inches...wow!  In my 47 years of life, the biggest size I ever bought was 22/24.  When I went with my nutritionist 9 months ago I was wearing a size 18.  Today I wear a size 8.  Do you know how hard it still is to buy clothes???  LOL because I am short.....in the words of my nutritionist..."you are a petite woman".  Yep....I have learn to say..."I am petite".  I love to be able to go to any store and just look on the racks for size 8.  Sometimes I don't even try on, I just buy....SCORE!

3.  my attitude - yes God did make me 5ft tall, flat footed and with some German blood in me.  But here is something I've learned in my walk...I represent Christ.  I honestly feel that if Christ would of been overweight/unhealthy don't you think the writers of the bible would of mentioned that?????  I remember them mentioning in the bible about a prophet being so overweight that he fell over and died!

4.  my view on life - I have been a Christian since like forever.  I have had my RUN AWAY from God, but here I am today living for him, working for him, representing him.  The bible does say we are not here forever.  The bible says we will leave these temporary bodies one day and join him with our new heavenly bodies.  Here's what I think...NOW...God loaned me this body...shouldn't I take care of it?  It's not like I can go in every 10 years and get a newer model/upgrade.  This is another reason I no longer drink.  I just feel that this part of my life of drinking practically destroyed me.  Would I like a drink, sure, will one hurt me???  Me..yes.  (Another one of those deep secrets I held on to)

5.  my goal in life - I basically feel that here is where a lot has happened.  Ever since I have been in full-time ministry (since 1987), I have NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR ME.  What's my goal in life:  live for God, enjoy every moment of my life with my family, fall deeper in love with my one true love - Ramon Portillo, start my own event planning business, RUN A MARATHON!!!!

6.  my family - the kids love their mom, cuddle with mom, see mom as mom, the kids are growing up and mom worries that she is not feeding them right, the kids have struggles, the kids today now see mom that she has admitted to her unhealthy life-style and she is doing something about it.  the kids understand that mom has struggles, but she is a survivor.  the kids need to know that mom wants the best for them and she wants to be around for A VERY LONG TIME.....to love them, cuddle them, cuddle their babies and so on........

7.  my thoughts - deep down inside are the darkest hurts/fears/losses/victories...that is why I blog and share.

8.  my marriage - to the one true guy that never ever told me that I was ugly, overweight, stupid....he fell in love with me.  He chose me.  Most of all, he has held my hand since day one and he continues to hold my hand.  Everyday I fall madly in love with him.  Everyday I miss him when he is not around.  Ramon and I have shared the same job for 26 years.  We are so use to being with each other all day long and we wouldn't change it for the world.  He is not sick of me and I am not sick of him.  He gets on my nerves and I get on his nerves.  I make him laugh and he makes me smile.  He has seen me for who I am and I have seen him for who he is.....and we remain as one.  We have faithfully kept our eyes on each other and no one else.  He still makes my heart go pitter patter and I still turn him on.  He loves my body and tells me and I love his!  And honestly, all the weight loss has been great for our sex life.  I am now pre-menopause so we are going through changes, but we can roll with it!!

9.  Others - yea pretty much if you ask me, "how I lost the weight", "what am I doing", "what do I eat", "where do I run"....I'll answer.  If people don't ask, I won't stand on a street corner and shout it.....I just blog, I share, I answer......

10.  money - pretty much if you can keep spending money on take out food instead of groceries, your always going to use this excuse.  I get it, I'm busy too and sometimes I do not have time to cook.  But I figure this...If I have time to watch a 2 hour football game, I can cook.  If I have time to go for a one hour run, I have time to cook.  If I have time to go to a party and stay there for 4 hours, I have time to cook.  If I have time to watch my favorite TV show and about 5 episodes in all one sitting, I have time to cook.  I figure, If I can dedicate 2-3 hours of cooking on a Sunday afternoon, I can get a whole weeks work of food cooked and ready....and the money I am saving my family.  Sure Ramon and I go out to eat, but not everyday.  I also figure, if I can't afford a membership at a gym that I probably won't go to as much, then just get up and go walk, run, ride a bike, chase your kids, buy a $3 ball at wal-mart and play with the kids, take the dog(s) for a walk, park far away in the parking lot every where I go and walk, take the stairs instead.....yea you get the picture.  We always have money for the things we WANT and cry about.....but we never have enough money to DO THE THINGS WE KNOW ARE GOOD FOR US.

Check out the chart you can see my journey since day one in June of 2013.

49 pounds lighter, no more high blood pressure meds, running like nobody's business!

It's been a while since the last blog.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed with everything that's going on with me.  Even I can't believe some of this stuff.  I catch myself:  crying, gasping, smiling at times.  It's not even about the clothes I fit into or the running....it's EVERYTHING!!  I think what still amazes me is when people, who have not seen me in a while, gasp (a good gasp) when they see me.  This...I will never get use to!  The craziness of how I am shrinking......so yea, here we go.......

March 8th I ran my first 8K!  Wow, that was hard!  The first half was nothing but climbing up Brown St. and then turning on Rim and then up to Scenic Drive.  The part where it was pretty steep, all I kept saying to myself, DON'T STOP RUNNING!!!!  You know what helped me here?  The fact that a lot of other people had stopped running and had to walk.  Are you kidding me...this just gave me a boost! To know that in my head I had set my mind.....YOU WILL NOT WALK....YOU WILL RUN!!!!  It felt great!  Finally after all the climbing, time to come down.  Running downhill is even harder.  You have to use all your muscles in your legs to hold yourself to not just let the decline take you.  I did it!  I ran my very first 8K in 1hour, 1min., and 52 seconds.....so so so proud of myself.  This is one of those moments where I catch myself:  crying, gasping, smiling.  This run I dedicated it to my nutritionist: Georgina Fourzan.  Some of you think that I might be a little obsessed by saying she "saved me".  But believe me, when you can walk out of the doctor's office and she has told you, "no more high blood pressure meds".....uh yeah....she saved me.  When your nutritionist tells you that you are no longer in the health risk category....uh yeah....she saved me.

So if you are keeping score, here is where I am at:  June 21, 2013 I weighed in at 204 pounds.  My nutritionist gave me the target to lose:  84 pounds.  I have lost 49 pounds as of March 13, 2014.....drum roll please.....35 more pounds to go!!!!  My nutritionist said that I can get this done by the time my one year of Clean Eating comes around......June 21, 2014.  If you ask me, I am gonna hit it before that date!!  Score!  Once again I catch myself:  crying, gasping, smiling.

March 17, 2014.  I had to go to Phoenix for a training for an event we are having in August.  We get there, we sit in the first session and then it's time to go eat dinner.  The company had a place for all of us to go eat together and spend some quality time talking and getting to know each other.  So we get there, find a place to sit with others.  Everyone is sitting together at random tables.  Great time meeting and talking with so many.  Some people have ordered the chicken (me of course) and others have ordered the beef.  One guy from San Diego, is commenting on how he ordered the beef because in California hardly anybody eats beef, ha ha!  We are all laughing and just making comments.  This same guy then looks across to this other guy (I have not met him yet at that time) and asks, "what do you say about beef, your the cardiologist".  Of course everyone looks over to him and he starts talking.  So yea, we are sitting there and in the midst is a cardiologist.  So everyone is talking "food" stuff and what is good for you and what is not good for you and what you should eat and shouldn't eat.  And there I go....I just had to.  I honestly felt right then and there to speak.  So I did.  I look over to the cardiologist and say, "so your a cardiologist...you'll get a kick out of this"  "On March 3rd, my doctor cleared me of high blood pressure, no more meds"....and so I begin to share with the group my journey of Clean Eating.  As the faces begin to focus in on me and as I continue to share, I notice that it's pretty quiet and everyone is experiencing what I am experiencing:  crying, gasping, smiling. When I finish speaking, the flood of questions come at me.  What?  What do you eat?  How much did you say you lost?  Clean Eating is that similar to the Paleo Diet?  Can you eat Dark Chocolate?  Ha ha! I love it!  So I answer, I share, I laugh.....

Now back to the guy from San Diego....he then speaks to the cardiologist, "what do you think about this?"  "have you ever heard anything like this?"  I turn over and look at the cardiologist, and he is smiling.  He begins to say that this is so rare because people just don't change their eating life-style. They stay on their meds pretty much forever or don't even take them.  He shared with me that I must have some determination.  Then another person asked me what got me started to do this.  I then began to share about my dad passing away almost 4 years now and how that rattled my world.  Once again: crying, gasping, smiling.  So needless to say after all was said and done, I was encouraged by new found friends and deep in my heart that night, I was once again reminded why I began this journey.  I was once again reminded why I want to live.  Psalm 70.

Next day, we arrive to the place where we are training.  People are getting there, everyone is saying their good mornings, etc.  In about 10 minutes as people are getting there, I get bombarded (in a good way) by 5 people and then more.  All I can hear is, "this is the lady I told you about," "tell my friend what you shared last night," etc.   The San Diego guy comes up to me and says that he called his wife last night to tell her about me, why????  Because his wife is a nutritionist!  Ha ha!  Yes!!!  She told him that she believed it!  She believed every word of it because Clean Eating can CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!! This was crazy!  I was laughing because these people from the night before had gone back to their hotel and shared with others and now this morning, everyone wants to know.  So yea, I kept answering questions.  It was the neatest thing ever.

Break time comes, some others come back up to ask me more.  I then realized....my blog.  I need to tell them about my blog.  So I shared that I have been blogging for 2 years about my journey.  I then handed out my business card with my facebook link.  Everyone was so excited to find me on facebook and start reading my blogs.  Once again:  crying, gasping, smiling.

The end of the training has come, people are saying their good-byes.  San Diego guy comes and thanks me for sharing and how I have inspired him.  The two ladies from Maryland also thanked me for sharing and inspiring them.  Then there was the cardiologist.  He shook my hand and said keep it up. But one more guy.  This guy was sitting to the left of me at that dinner.  He asked questions, he talked, but that was it.  He came up to me to say good-bye.  He was all choked up and shook my hand and said "Thank you for sharing your story.  You  have no idea how you have inspired me.  You have no idea how you have impacted my life."  And yes, once again:  crying, gasping, smiling.

For months now I have been wanting to make a facebook page of my journey.  I just hadn't done it. After this encounter, I decided to do it.  I know that God has been speaking to my life in so many ways. I am compelled to share my journey so that others can know that it's okay...just take it moment by moment.  As I have shared in my blogs my ups and downs, I want to keep it in front of me and anyone else that needs inspiration......https://www.facebook.com/gravybihl

Now to close this blog....I want to share something from the deepest of my heart.
I am real.  I am human.  I fail.  I will continue to fail.  I am not perfect.  I will never be perfect.  I will always struggle with eating.  I am an addict.  I am a food addict.  I am weak.  I am insecure.  I am a failure.  My skin that hangs from my arms reminds me of my failing body.  The skin that hangs from my stomach and where the 2 c-sections I had reminds me that I made horrible eating mistakes for years. Everytime I drive by Peter Piper Pizza I have to drive away fast.  When I am alone in the house I must keep myself busy or I will binge.  When I run, I hear my skin flapping.  I want to eat Cheetos.  I want to drink Dr. Pepper.  I want to eat popcorn.  I want fritos and bean dip.  I want trail mix with m&m.  I want pizza from Cocomiel Restaurant.  I ate a hamburger with cheese animal style on March 18th from Inn and Out Burger.  My stomach is messed up today because I ate that burger.  I signed up to run another 5K tomorrow.  I bought me a pair of pants today and they were a size 8.  I bought me a shirt today and it was a medium. I am playing volleyball on Sundays.  I no longer snore at night.  I no longer struggle to walk up stairs. I wake up early because my metabolism is working correct.  I look forward to running in the early am. My sex life with my husband is SUPER.  My kids inspire me to keep on living.  I am taking on new challenges everyday......once again:  crying, gasping, smiling.

So I leave you with this.....
On May 17th, I will be 48 years old.
In June my husband and I will be vacationing in Creel, Mexico, where we will do some adventure stuff!  I am looking for a place to run over there as well.
In August I will be joining my husband and I will be doing a triathlon with him.  Don't even ask me where that came from...but yep...I'm up for this challenge!
In December, the husband and I will be running in a half-marathon.
LIVE LIFE!  Psalm 70

this is me coming in to the finish line from my 8K!

38 pounds, 8K, March 8th.......something about the number 8

Remember School House Rock?  There was a song for the number 8.....
"Figure eight as double four
Figure four as half of eight
If you skate, you would be great
If you could make a figure eight
That's a circle that turns 'round upon itself"

If you could skate, you would be great....If you could run, you would be great...

This is the actual thought that came to mind when I realized this....

On my February 13th follow-up I was given the news:  YOU ARE NO LONGER IN THE HEALTH-RISK CATEGORY!  YOU HAVE 38 POUNDS TO REACH YOUR GOAL!!  My weight is 158 pounds...I am finally under 160!  Whew...158 lbs. coming from 204 lbs....WOW!!!!!!

On February 20th I registered to run my first 8K on March 8th.

Whew...a lot has been going on in the month of February!!!

When I met with my nutritionist she challenged me NO SNACKING...NO PICKING this next round (or ever).  Let me tell you, do you know how hard this is?  Do you know how hard it is to walk by tortilla chips and not shove some in my mouth? To walk by a jar of mini 3 musketeer bars and not eat like 3 or 4?  To sit through a movie without eating 3/4 of the tub of popcorn or any of it?  To not order Mr. Pibb at the movies?  So yes....I made a vow to ME....and my NUTRITIONIST.....I WILL NOT SNACK OR PICK!  I am on day 11 that I am 100%!!  This is hard.  This is challenging......but hey I'm always up to a challenge!!!  Which leads me to today's blog...

INADEQUATE:  not adequate or sufficient; inept or unsuitable.

Yesterday I experienced this on a run.  I signed up for a group run at 5:30am.  First time ever!!  I am not a morning person.  The only reason I signed up for this run was to demo some new running shoes from Brook's Shoes.  I love these shoes and they have been my choice of shoe for running.  This run we were given the opportunity to demo the shoe on a run.  So yea, I signed up for it!  Let me lay out the morning's event....

>Alarm set at 3:40am...got out of bed at 3:50am

>First thing in my stomach/body.....STRONG COFFEE!

>Got dressed, got my breakfast ready for the after run, let's go!

>Drove to the store and was the first one to arrive (other than the owner that was there to open up)

...at this point I'm getting nervous...

>Got off the car when the Brooks Rep showed up.  I helped her unload her stuff and set up.

>Other runners started arriving....I'm getting more nervous...

(Let me insert here...runners just like any other "group" have their own world.  This is where I began to feel intimidated...no one talks to you...I'm okay with that...it's too early anyways....this small group of runners always meet to run, so they know each other....but like any other group, that you are new to...you just have to suck it up....this is the point which makes you or breaks you..this is the point where you choose to DIVE IN!  So I did!  I began to introduce myself...I began to ask questions...I began to just DIVE IN!  It was either this or walk away DEFEATED...and the run hadn't even started yet!)

>Time to get our shoes on
>Brook's Rep was so kind and informative and helpful
>I start warming up...still feeling nervous because I don't even know how far we are running or the route
>one of the runners that is there to run was The El Paso Marathon Female Winner of 2014
...yep now the feeling of inadequacy sets in...there were other marathon runners

>Everyone starts walking out of the store to run

>everyone is gabbing and me...freaking out
>we get to the traffic light and everyone is taking off

>I panic, but hey I can handle this...I ask out loud...so what is the route?  how far?

>and just like that, one guy says "to Traewood St. and back is 3 miles" and boom they were gone!  (here is another insert...I am always telling my family...If you don't know ASK...don't feel embarrassed because your question might be stupid or you will reveal to everyone that you do not know!  JUST ASK!  I still believe in this...)

>I see everyone take off...and me....freak out mode sets in...but I start running...I hit play on my music

>I see the runners fade away...but 2 flashing lights that 2 of the runners had on them....it's 5:30am..dark

>I begin to feel like a failure...I realize that I am LEFT BEHIND....

>I then make a choice...FAIL...STOP....TURN BACK AND GO HOME..YOU BIT OFF MORE THAN YOU CAN CHEW!!!!  WHAT WERE YOU THINKING....TOO SOON!!!

>Nope...I ignore the flashing lights fading away...I listen to my song...and I run!!!  

>And that was it...MIND SET OF FEELING INADEQUATE....GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>When I get to Traewood, 2 runners are already heading back...I ask the one guy that has been nice, where is the 4 mile mark?????  

>He says..."Applebee's and back is 4 miles".....

>When I went to bed the night before I had set in my mind that I was going to run 4 miles...so yeah..I ran to Applebees...

>I make my way back...it's still dark....the smell of wet desert is refreshing...early commuters are heading to work....my song list is blaring in my ears...I am in my element!

>I see the end....I made it!  The 2nd time ever to run 4 miles......

>I then laugh to myself as I am walking back into the store...."I was the first one to arrive for this run and I am the last back from the run"  6:15am

>I walk in and the few that are still left, quickly ask me, "how was the run"

>And right then and there I dropped all INADEQUATE thoughts and said, "It felt good.  It was the 2nd time ever that I ran 4 miles."

>And then it happened, "Good job", "Way to go", "you had a good pace", "you got this"

>And then the questions started...who are you, what got you running, etc.....

>I shared.  I laughed.  I made new friends.

>One runner (guy) who is a marathon runner began to give me tips....so helpful!

>Another runner was leaving and turned around and said good-bye, shook my hand and said, "you should join us every Wednesday and Friday at 5:30am"  (I think I might)

>I bought my shoes
>the husband got there with my breakfast

>got some free stuff from Brook's Rep

>got in my car and me and hubby went to get some coffee...and the sun was greeting us....

So yes, when I am faced with a challenge like NO SNACKING OR PICKING, 4 MILES, PIZZA, WHATABURGER....FOOD...........I know I can handle it....MOMENT BY MOMENT...because I choose to LIVE LIFE!

On March 8th for my first 8K run, I am dedicating this run to my nutritionist.  I told her that she has brought me to a point of ACCOUNTABILITY, DETERMINATION and EXCELLENCE.  She could be nice to me and let me cheat...but NOPE!  She tells me the TRUTH...and believe me...the TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE!  To know that I am no longer in the HEALTH-RISK Category...to know that I am 38 pounds away....Thank you Georgina Fourzan for teaching me.  And I say "teaching" because I have learned.  And once you learn....you live it....

FREE TO RUN!  

FREE TO LIVE!

Here is my pic of my Feb. 13 Check-up!  Check out those lean legs....EXTRA BONUS...the T-shirt I have on...given to me by my nutritionist as an incentive....SIZE SMALL!!!!!!!!!!!

...the song list

On Thursday I had a run.....as I was running and listening to my songs....I began to think of all the songs I have selected to be on my running list.  So this blog is about the songs and why they are on my list:

Song #1:  "Rolling in the deep" Adele
I love Adele.  I love her voice.  Such a smooth sound and always puts me in a good mood.  So yea, this first song on my running playlist just puts me in a good mood.  And believe me, once I start running, I am already thinking of the 3 miles I have to run and I am already tired...LOL.  But there is just something about this voice that soothes me.  Plus the beat in this song helps me set my pace on running. I always try to run with the rhythm of this song.

Song #2:  "What doesn't kill you makes your STRONGER" Kelly Clarkson
Yep, this song sums it up!  This is the song that helps me make it for mile 1.  I am going to have this phrase tattooed on my arm...SOON!!!  Everything about this song reminds me that my dad died of a horrible disease, high blood pressure.  He had a stroke.  We were on vacation when he had this stroke. 2 days before his stroke, I had just spoken with him on the phone wishing him a happy birthday.  That night he had the stroke.  Getting that phone call on our last day in Disneyland....DESTROYED ME.  It killed me too.  2 days later on our way home, spending the night in Arizona, I had to say "good-bye" to my dad over the phone as he passed away.  This killed me.  And here we are almost 4 years since he has passed and this song reminds me that I chose to live.  I chose to change my life-style of bad eating and just start doing something physically to get my body moving.  There is so much meaning behind the title of this song.  Each step I take while I am running, the words repetitively  remind me that I am STRONGER.

Song #3:  "Never Say Never" Justin Bieber
What can I say about the Biebs?  LOL!  Nothing!  But the lyrics on this song are so amazing.  The first time I heard this song and used this song....it was so inspirational.  I remember using it to help the elementary kids understand to never give up.  The part of the song where Will Smith's kid raps about never giving up...love it!  "Just like David who conquered the giant" When the rap comes on while I'm running, it helps me pick up the pace a bit. The beat helps me continue on a pace to finish the first mile. Of course, the lyrics just inspire me....not to quit!  Another phrase I want tattooed on my arm!  I told Ramon I am going to have a sleeve of phrases on one arm during my new journey of running....LOVE IT!

Song #4:  "Local Man Ruins Everything"  The Wonder Years
This song basically was chosen because of its rawness.  This song ended up on my phone because of my son.  Some of his songs got put on my phone when I was downloading music like 2 years ago.  I remember making my very first running playlist.  This was when I was trying to run a mile.  I remember specifically thinking if I can run my mile in these first 4 songs this would help me.  I would run and try to always run the mile.  I failed quite a bit.  That's okay!  So yea, this song with it's raw and honest words helps me so much!  It totally speaks of how I feel!  This song is ME!  This song makes me smile for 2 reasons:  I am finishing up my first mile and I think of my son....Andrew Portillo.  I think of him and how he has never ceased to amaze me of his raw talent.  I think of his struggles with dyslexia and how he has conquered life!  I am reminded of how he never gives up and just when others think he is no good.....he never ceases to amaze!  My son is an amazing guitarist.  Starting in the 4th grade playing on a beat up red guitar given to him by a friend, taking lessons from another friend...and now to think how this kid plays today.  He never gave up on playing.  He was sold out to the guitar. He has become one with this instrument.  This instrument helps him express how he feels, what he is feeling and what he can offer to the soul......I have loved being on this journey with him and his music and his raw talent.

Song #5:  "People Like Us"  Kelly Clarkson
So as I begin mile 2 and I am already thinking...I have to keep pushing....this song comes on!  This song comes on at the perfect time!  Timing is everything in running.  Listen to your breathing.  Don't gasp.  Keep your feet running with a rhythm.  So as this song comes up, it just inspires me.  I think of everyone that struggles with their weight.  Everyone just like me!  People like us have to stick together. I am learning daily of life's struggles with eating.  I realize that I use it to comfort me.  I realize that I use it to help me escape.  I realize I use it to help me justify what I am feeling and it gives me the excuse to eat wrong things.  I use it to reward myself for whatever reason I see just.  I begin to see that this makes sense to all of us.  Whether it's food or anything else to help you escape or run away....People Like Us we have to stick together...why????  Because we get it! We understand and no one is better than anyone.  No one will ever be perfect.  Everyone struggles. Everyone has to face their demons daily.  So yea, we need to stick together and crawl up from the bottom daily.  This song is amazing in all it's lyrics of rawness!

Song #6:  "My Life would suck without You"  Kelly Clarkson
Notice the Kelly Clarkson songs....lol....one of my favorite of all time singers!  Of course this song just makes me think of the main man in my life...Ramon.  Some people would think, "how wrong is this song to help you think of your husband"....people it's all about perspective and how the song reaches YOU.  This song reaches me with the title.....the song reminds me that where I am today is because of the one and only guy that gave me a chance.  The one and only guy who gave me my second chance at life.  The one and only guy who saw me for who I was (even though I did not impress him the first time he met me, ha ha).  This guy got me.  This guy gets me.  This guy keeps on getting me.  26 years of marriage and my life would suck if he was not in it!  Our journey together has just gotten better.  There are great changes for Ramon and I and I am sooooooooo looooooooking forward to it!  So take away the whole boyfriend/girlfriend/relationship thing that is what this song was written about, this song brings me to the 2nd mile of my life and journey with Ramon.

Song #7:  "Dark Side"  Kelly Clarkson
Have you ever listened to this song?  Have you ever payed attention to the lyrics?  Wow!  What an amazing song.  This song comes in right after song #6 and it continues to keep Ramon on my thoughts. He knows my dark side.  He knows what I did and he still loves me.  Along with that I thank God for my freedom.  I thank God because in all my ugliness and dark side.....He gave His Son to forgive me of my sins!  And daily as I struggle with my dark side......they both (God and Ramon) get me.  They just get me.  Every day that I face my struggles.....every time that I run.....more light comes into my dark side.

Song #8:  "Einstein"  Kelly Clarkson
This song brings me in to finishing up mile 2...somewhere about this time...I am getting tired.  I am wanting to stop running.  I am wanting to just walk.  I begin to think....no one is watching me, you are by yourself, just walk, it's not going to kill you if you just walk.......and then the lyrics come on.  Once again, this song, it's a relationship boy/girl thing....and once again....it's all about PERSPECTIVE. "Dumb + Dumb = me" you know what I take from these lyrics?  It's all about me making choices. Choose to walk and not run.  Choose to shove bad food in my body.  Choose to not love.  Choose to not be obedient...etc.  You start doing these things and it adds up to....ME!  You do not have to be Einstein to know that bad choices will come back and bite you in the butt!  My bad choices of eating for years...........almost killed me!  Literally....almost killed me like the disease that killed my dad.  So don't sit there and think that you still have time to eat wrong because eventually you will do something about it....but right now it's okay because you feel okay.  Dumb+Dumb=Me

Song #9:  "Cry Me a River"  Michael Buble
Wow....where did this song come from?  LOL!  I'm a huge fan...and my hubby loves to listen to this guy sing.  This song is simply on my playlist because it is my "relax" song.  It is the song that let's me know that I am almost done.  I am coming to the 3.1 mark.  This song just makes me smile and I give myself some breathing space.  My running pace/stride just floats.  I cannot explain what I feel at this point, but it feels good.  Something about knowing that you are almost at the finish line.....good feeling. This is how I feel at the end of the day when I know that I survived another day. I chose to eat clean. I chose to live!  This song begins to make me think of these people:  Ramon, Julia & Scott & Andrew...my family.  As I am running I go down the list of these 4 people.  I think of Ramon and how I am madly in love with him.  I think of all the things we have done together and wouldn't change it for anything.  I think of my daughter and her husband and how they just make me so proud.  I think of how they are "blooming" (love it) into a beautiful couple that strives to be amazing in God.  I think of their talents when they sing and make music together.  I think to myself that I did that...I gave them some of that...and now they have gone and will go higher than I ever did in music.  I love that they are genuine in their singing and artistry.   I think of how my son-in-law loves my daughter and he treats her like a queen.  I think of how they will make me a grandmother one day (no pressure) and I will love that baby like nobody's business!  I think of how they are uprising leaders in their present life/career choice and most of all...they are making a difference in people's lives!  And then of course the kid...Andrew.  What can I say about this one?  He is my shadow.  He is that one kid that is already blowing people's minds with his guitar playing, but to me....he is still that kid that I am writing about in a book that I started writing about like 7 years ago and I will finish it this year!!  He is shy.  He is quiet. He is amazing.  He is a creature of habit.  He sticks to his beliefs with all his might and this is why I know he is going to BLOW people's minds in such a way that I do not even know.  He gets it even though he doesn't admit it.

Song #10:  "Love Alone is Worth the Fight"  Switchfoot
So if you have been reading my previous blogs you'll know how this song came to be on my running playlist.  The night before my first 5K....I needed to add more songs to my playlist....quickly downloaded the new Switchfoot album.  I needed to sleep so I just went down the playlist of the album and selected a few songs that the titles caught my attention.  This one song was the first.  I didn't even listen to it.  I didn't even think twice.  Click.  Added to the playlist...good night.  This song comes on when I am getting to the end of the race.  The song starts.....the echoing voices ignite me!  The finish line ignites me.  And then the lyrics.....
"And we find what we're made of...through the open door.  (I see the finish line)
Is it fear you're afraid of?  (I begin to cry)
What are you waiting for?  (I am thanking God)
Love alone is worth the fight.  (I think of my dad)
Love alone is worth the fight." (I think of my PRESENT LIFE and my 4 favorite people in the whole world....Ramon, Julia & Scott, Andrew......)

3.1 miles ran = 38:08.04 (time)
January 26, 2014

My running journey begins........

I crossed the finish line...and look there behind me who is that...my guy supporting me the whole time!  Wouldn't change a thing....

Love Alone is Worth the Fight...

So what can I say about my run this past Sunday?
Waking up that morning I was nervous.  I did sleep but tossed and turn and kept waking up.
There is something about doing something for the first time that just brings on the nerves.
I remember when I started singing on stage I would get these balls of nerves and the shakes.  I still get that when I am going to sing.
I like those kind of nerves.
It always reminds me that I am human.
So here we are Sunday morning and it's like 35 degrees.  The nerves came also because of the unknown.  Not even knowing how this things is going down.

All I know is this.....(this is what is going on in my head)
Our group is up next to take off.  I have my song list ready.  I have my head phones on.  The last thing Ramon tells me is that when we take off, I have to pass people on my left.  That it is going to be hard because we are in the back and most of the people are walking not running.  The last thing I do is kiss my husband.  (He stayed running behind me the whole time...he said he did not want to throw me off).

The canon is shot.
All I know is that as soon as I cross the mat, my time has started.
I hit play on my head set so my music starts.  I use my music to set my pace.  I know exactly how many songs I need to be running to for each mile.
The nerves are building.
People are walking.  People are cheering.  People are talking.
I am trying to get past all the ones walking.  It's crowded and I'm getting more nervous because all I do is think about my music and that my pace is already behind because I'm not running in the open wide.

When I finally get a clearly, I put the thoughts of being "off" my pace out of my head.
I had to because I was just making myself more nervous.
I then begin to run.
We get to the first 1mile marker and the 4th song has just started....whew!  I give Ramon a thumbs up that I was on my mark.  Actually, when the 4th song starts, I am usually hitting the 1 mile mark on the chorus of the song, so I knew I was doing a better pace.  This gave me a BIG MOTIVATIONAL PUSH!

After the 1 mile, the 2nd mile was hard.  Only because it was all climbing.  My thoughts went off, "when is this climbing going to stop?"  This worried me because I felt a little tired.  I didn't want to get off my pace either, so here goes the mind tricks again.
I did not want to walk.  My goal for this first race, DON'T WALK.  I wanted to run the entire 5K.  
I kept pushing.
The area where there was dirt and rocks made me nervous.
I did not want to trip/slip/fall.
I slowed down some, to be careful.

We hit the 2nd mile mark and I'm thinking..."please NO MORE CLIMBING".
The good thing for me is that running at home I climb 2 hills every time.
So this helped me stay focused on the climb.
After the 2nd mile mark, I can see it evening out.  No more climbing.
I just thanked God in my head!

Let me throw something here.
I added some new songs to my running playlist.
I did not have a chance to hear them.  I bought Switchfoot's new album.
I selected a few songs that I liked their titles, but did not have a chance to hear them.

So getting to the end of this run, I can see the finish line.
There is just something that happens when you see the finish line.
Your body is tired, but your mind/the visual sees the finish line and you give it all you got.
So here we go.
I have to finish this and go HARD!
Sure enough, a new song comes on my playlist...
It starts and I'm getting closer to the finish line and here is what I am hearing on my headphones as I am crossing the finish line:

"Love Alone Is Worth The Fight"

I'm trying to find where my place is 
I'm looking for my own oasis 
So close I can taste this 
The fear that love alone erases 

So I'm back to the basics 
I figure it's time I face this 
Time to take my own advice 

Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight 

And I never thought it'd come to this 
But it seems like I'm finally feeling numb to this 
The funny thing about a name is 
You forget what the reason you were playing the game is 

And it's all an illusion 
A 21st century institution 
So I'm headed down the open road unknown 

And we find what we're made of 
Through the open door 
Is it fear you're afraid of? 
What are you waiting for? 

Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight

We're only here for a season 
I'm looking for the rhyme and reason 
Why you're born, why you're leaving 
What you fear and what you believe in 

Why you're living and breathing 
Why you're fighting it and getting it even 
Let's go headed down the open road unknown 

And we find what we're made of 
Through the open door 
Is it fear you're afraid of? 
What are you waiting for? 

Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight 

Yeah, yeah, yeah 
Oh! Oh! 

Here we are, here we go 
Where the road is our own 
Hear it calling you home 
Here we are, here we go! 

Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight

I high-lighted the part that was playing on my headphones as I was crossing the finish line. 

All I can say is WOW!  This is how I know that God is with me.  He just knows what I need and when I need it!

So I'm headed down the open road unknown....

And I have found what I am made of...

Love alone is worth the fight!

All my emotions/feelings/thoughts ended with me knowing that I am so worth it!  That my family is worth it!  My dad's death is so worth it!  My clean-eating/health life-style is so worth it!

As I crossed that line I was filled with so much gratitude!

The tears streamed down my face.

The crying of shear ACCOMPLISHMENT was heard....

I hugged Ramon, crying, and telling him thank you for being by my side and how much I loved him.

What a moment in my life.

What can I say.....
I'm getting ready for the next 5K...

My goal is to do 2 more 5Ks...then...

Run a 10K.....

End the 2014 year running a half marathon!

"Love alone is worth the fight"

Thank you to Ramon, Julia, Andrew & Scott.  I love you so much and you are my everything and "you are worth the fight".

Dad, this is for you.  You are the reason I am living a life of "wanting to live"!  Dad, you will always be worth the fight!

....and Georgina Fourzan...thank you for teaching me how to live healthy.  My body would never be ready to do anything like this if it wasn't for you...i love my new life-style!

these are the pics I carry in my backpack

I had this engraved on my very first 5K medal

My first of many.....

This blog is about a huge accomplishment.  I signed up to run in a 5K.  My first ever.  I have been running almost everyday for the past 3 weeks getting ready for this.  Every time I have ran, I have been doing 2 miles only.  Today I had to try the 3.  I knew it was time.  This whole week has had me so nervous.  Why?  It's not like I am going to get in trouble or scolded for not running 3 miles, lol.  I've had a nervous of...."can I do this"?  There is something to say when you have this feeling deep inside. Let me share with you why I think I've had this feeling....

All I can remember is in PE class in middle school, when we had to run, not gonna happen.  I was always told, your flat footed, you probably can't run.  Yep, that helped me a lot.  It sure gave me an excuse not to run.  I hated running.  I hated that we had to run a mile in PE, while the teachers/coaches just sat there talking.  An occasional "yell" was heard from them when they saw that we were NOT running.  Thanks coach!  Have another donut!!!

So as time has gone by, here I am 2014...who would of thought it.  I just remember 2 years ago when I started my "get healthy" life, I couldn't even run one mile.  I remember the first day at Asylum, I couldn't even run one lap.  Woah baby, I've come a long way.

44 pounds lighter, wearing a size 8 (had to throw that in there, hee hee), I can run 3 miles.  Not only can I run 3 miles, but I am fixing to run my first 5K!  It still blows my mind.

So back to today at lunch time.  I went outside and got ready to run the 15 laps that would equal to 3 miles.  Wow....the mind can talk you into something or talk you out of something.  35 degrees and a sunny day, I figured this is the temp/weather I will have on Sunday in Las Cruces.  Here we go.  By the time I got to my last lap, I had to stay focused.  I thought of me, my husband and kids and my dad.  No kidding.  Those were the 3 things that kept me going!  I told Ramon (the hubby) that it's funny that I hear people/see people that are running and when they get to the last stretch, they kick it in high gear and finish it strong!  I kept thinking, how does one do this?  By the time I was on the last lap...I wanted to stop!  I was tired, my legs were tired and I had snot coming out of my nose like nobody's business! Sure enough, when I made that last turn for the last stretch, I wanted to finish bad.  I kept saying out loud, "come on Lupe", "don't quit", "come on Lupe"........so yea, I did it.  All I could do was cry.  And cry I did.  I kept walking to keep my legs moving, but I cried like a baby.  More snot came out.  My jacket will be going in the washer today, lol.  I just kept crying.  I thanked God out loud.  I told dad that it was for him!  I cried and cried and cried even more.  I finally regained my composure and text Ramon to come outside.  He came thinking I was hurt, because I was hunched over sitting down.  He asked me right away if I was alright.  I said, "I did it", "I ran the 3 miles" and then I broke down again. He hugged me and loved me with his words....(getting choked up again as I am writing)....he said "you did this", "you did this all by yourself", "you have been working so hard for the past months".....words aren't even enough to express how I felt.

So this Sunday as I cross the finish line, it will be the first of many of these 5Ks that I will run.  Before 2014 is over, I want to run a half marathon.  Next year 2015, I will run a full marathon!  May 17th of this year I will be 48 years old.  I feel like a 20 year old.  I am someone that no longer has the haunting phrases of "your flat footed", "you are over weight", "you can't do this" to keep her down.

And here I finish with this...
"Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.”  Joshua 1:9

this was after the 3 mile run today.  my nose is red, not from the cold, but from crying!!  LOL

Happy Anniversary to me....

On January 16, 2012 I made the life-changing choice to get LIVE a healthy life.  2 years have gone by and I am in this for life. So much has changed!  Things for the better.  Going to a nutritionist is probably the best thing I have ever done.  AMAZING life-change!  7 months into this Clean Eating life-style and wow!  Wow!

On New Years Eve, I was at a party and they had a paper where you wrote down what you wanted to do in 2014.  I wrote.....run my first of many 5ks....

Today, I registered for my very first 5k.  Words can not express how I am feeling.  When I set it in my mind that I was going to do this...FEAR entered in.  But from FEAR came GUMPTION!

gumption - courage; spunk; guts

And then I was reminded of this....
"Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.”  Joshua 1:9 (Message Bible)

So here I am....registered to run my first 5K

I had my follow-up with my nutritionist and I lost another 6 pounds!  So with that...I know I can run this 5K....

Let me share this with you...
I am not perfect.  But it is in those imperfections that I am learning to NOT QUIT!   I will not find myself...QUITTING!  QUITTING to me means "I don't want to live".  Well, I am living and I love it!

God is with me, my husband has always been by my side (he's actually running with me at this 5K) and my kids mean the world to me and I will do anything to live a long life to enjoy them and their kids. So yea, I am never QUITTING.  I will have bad days (believe me I have them already), but I WILL NOT QUIT!  And on those days when I am wanting to QUIT....I will remember that 2 years ago I made a choice to LIVE....

LIVE for God
LIVE for me
LIVE for my family
LIVE for the memory of my dad......

So with the end of this blog, 44 pounds lighter and a 5K to run on January 26th.......2014 here I come!

Here's a cool note*
I tried on some size 8 jeans...yep...THEY FIT!  Unbelievable!!!!!!

Here is my follow up picture with my nutritionist!  Looking LEAN and MEAN!

Accomplished...

My last blog was on Nov. 18, 2013.  That lets you know how busy I have been.  So much has happened since last time.  I am still CLEAN EATING....what a lifestyle change!  Working out is still part of my routine.  The last month and half of the year, I did not get to workout hardly at all.  This made me sad.  Working out helps me get out all stress.  I managed and didn't kill anyone...LOL.

So here we are in 2014.  I have never really been a new year's resolution person.  The honest reason why, I never held up my end.  But since January 16, 2012 when I decided to change my health, I have stuck with it.  January 16, 2014 is almost here and this will mark 2 years of this lifestyle change. Unbelievable!

Today I went for 1.5 mile run.  As I was walking back to cool down, I begin to think of so much that has gone on.  First of all, I talked to God and thanked him for another healthy year of life.  2 years ago, I honestly think I would of been a full diabetic with severe high blood pressure.  As crazy as this sound, I would of been treading on thin ice and heading towards death.  Not anymore!  

Back to the run today.  As I talked with God, I began to process things with God.  He knows my thoughts and plans.  Why? Because He is in my life.  I admitted to God today that I was SCARED.  I have been contemplating to do something on January 26, but as I think about it, I get excited, but then SCARED.  I told God that.  So yes, after having this conversation with God, I remembered this....

"Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.”  Joshua 1:9 (Message bible)

So I decided...Yes, I will take this step on January 26, 2014.  And before you ask me, not gonna tell you!  LOL...but I will eventually.

Back to my run...as I made up my mind and talked it over with God, I began to cry.  Why?  Because I think of where I was before this very day.  I was dying.  I was killing my body.  I was killing myself. Every burger, fry, soda, pizza, candy, corn chip.....I was eating was killing me.  Every day that I sat on the sofa and did nothing.....I was killing myself.  It took my dad's death to shake me.  And when I say shake, I mean it.  I lost my sense of living.  I lost my sense of processing my thoughts.  I  lost my way to God.  

And now we are here.  40+ pounds lighter.......Clean Eating everyday....hitting the gym as much as I can because I love it....so as I mentioned before, no resolutions for me....but I have a word that I have taken as my word for 2014....

ACCOMPLISHED.  Why this word?  At the end of the day, no matter what I have done or not done, I want to feel ACCOMPLISHED.  If I finished my work day, workout, projects, etc., I want to feel ACCOMPLISHED.  If I read just one scripture for the day or a whole chapter, I want to feel ACCOMPLISHED.  If I did nothing but rest and relax for the day, I want to feel ACCOMPLISHED. Day 9 into 2014 and so far I feel ACCOMPLISHED.  On those days that I do not feel ACCOMPLISHED for whatever reason......I will close my eyes, sleep and wake up to a new day.

My nutritionist is having my log everything I eat and drink...OUCHERS talk about ACCOUNTABILITY!  But hey, it works!  Bring it on!!!