40 is the magic number......

You are asking....why is she not writing anymore?  Did she quit?  Is she dead?

Other than being busy with work, I'm pretty much at it!  I'm continuing with this clean eating and loving it.  I am pretty much waiting until I have a follow-up with my nutritionist and then I blog about it.  It gives me time to think and write down my thoughts for the month.

As of November 12th, I have lost a total of 40 pounds!  So hmmm....let' do the math, shall we?  I started on June 24th weighing in at 204.8 pounds

This is where I am today....164.4 pounds
What does this mean?  That means in 4 1/2 months I have lost 40 pounds!  I'm half way there!!!!!  Here is more info if you are keeping track, I'm wearing a size 10 in clothes.  I'm wearing mediums pretty much in shirts.

How do I feel?  I really don't think words can describe.  Sure it feels good to know that I can wear size 10 jeans...
But inwardly?  How do I feel?  The best I have ever felt.  My health is in its best it has ever been.  I am due for a check-up soon and I can't wait!!!  Do you know how long it's been since I said, "I can't wait to go to the doctor"?  Probably never!!!!  My nutritionist loves it when it's time for my follow-up. Every time it's about how I'm no longer in the severely dangerously "obese" category.  How she feels relieved to know that I'm getting healthier and healthier.

It's been such a crazy journey.  Where I am today just moves me to keep on going.  To never stop living this life of freedom.  Freedom of knowing that my heart is beating and beating correctly.  That my body is maintaing a healthy weight and my joints are not in pain anymore because of the years of carrying so much weight.  To work out and love it!  To know that nothing could replace how my knees and hips do not hurt anymore from being on my feet for over 8 hours.  To be honest, I feel like I don't get tired anymore. What I mean by this, at the end of the day, I don't feel bloated, my feet aren't swollen, I don't feel like food consumed me throughout the day and when I go to bed, NO MORE TAKING TUMS!

Let me tell you, if you are still struggling with your health.  If you feel like you can't even make a dent in your weight or just feeling like you can't endure just a basic 30 minute walk...something is wrong. All I'm saying is that "it is not worth eating unclean if everyday you feel this way".  It's not!  And to be even more honest, the older one gets, the harder it is to maintain.  At the age of 47 1/2, I want to feel good on the inside.  I want to know that I am not struggling to breathe just to walk around.  That I'm not hiding my body with loose fitting clothes.  That I'm representing myself for God in a correct way not only on the inside but outside.

Do I have flaws?  Yes.  Do I want to eat a cheeseburger?  Yes.  Do I want to eat cheese?  Yes.  Do I want to eat pizza?  Yes.  But it's not about what "I can't eat", it's about "I don't want to eat this, because later on I'm gonna feel bloated.  Later on I'm gonna have swollen ankles.  Later on my blood pressure is going to go up.  Later on I'm gonna have to pop more tums.  Later on my clothes don't fit.  Later on the doctor tells me I'm diabetic.  Later on I have a heart attack"  Get the picture?

Will I eat a cookie?  Yes.  Will I eat pizza?  Yes.  Will I eat pasta?  Yes.  Will I eat cheese?  Yes.  Like I said, I have flaws.  But here is what I have learned in all of this.  This is where I feel like "I do not have to back track".  I am not claiming that I have this nipped in the bud.  I am not claiming that I have arrived and I'm done when I lose the rest of the poundage.  I am not claiming that after it's all said and done, I can resume my normal eating.  What I'm saying is.....

I chose to do this for me.  For the right reason-me.  And choosing to do something that is right for yourself, you LIVE IT.  You do not "make an excuse" for eating the slice of cake.  You do not sit there thinking, just today I will do this.  When we live our lives on a daily basis, that includes mistakes and all.  That includes the good and the bad.  That includes making the right choices.  When I do have a slice of cake, or slice of pizza or cheese....this is what goes on in my head...."how bad do I want this", "what is this going to do to my digestive system", "what is in this"....after I ask myself those things, the next that goes on in my head, "is it worth it"?  And then I go for it.  I either eat it or I don't .  When I do eat it, I cut it in half.  Why?  Because I will eat it all.  Usually anywhere we go out to eat or even what we serve ourselves is always too much!  I scrape off something.  I savor it.  I usually say, "it's too sweet" or "it's too salty". By saying this out loud, I hear it and realize, "yep, this is what got me into trouble from the start".  So yea that's pretty much how I process stuff.

So let me end with this.  Is it worth it?  Is it worth it?  I finally had to stop lying to myself....

Picture of Left:  Oct. 4, Picture on right:  Nov. 13

Timeline of TRANSFORMATION!

check out this timeline I made since 2007.....
https://www.facebook.com/lupe.b.portillo/media_set?set=a.10202010035910414.1073741838.1171387928&type=3

If you want to catch up on this 2 year journey I've been on and how it all got started....read my first blog:

http://gravy4.blogspot.com/

51 pounds away from VICTORY!!!

It's been a while folks....
I've been struggling these past two weeks with the "mental" part of this journey.
In the middle of all of this....I've been struggling with guilt.
Guilt from what?  Food?  Not even close!
But food is what I go to when I'm struggling with the "mental" thing.
What I mean by "mental" - when I let stress, feelings, emotions CONSUME my thoughts.
So what's been on my mind?  What is making me feel guilty?

I've been missing my mom for awhile.  I have not seen her since last year December.  I talk to her at least once a week.  I love this time on the phone with her.  But lately, I've been missing her.  I have not been able to go visit.  I think about how she is alone.  I know she is fine.  My mom is strong.  She is doing well, but I still think of her being alone...and then this makes me begin to miss my dad.  So the combination of not seeing my mom and missing my dad....just brings on guilt.  I don't know how to explain this....but when it comes....I want to run to food.  I just want to put things in my mouth.  I realized these past two weeks that food has been my comfort.  Food has been something that I run to for comfort.  I never realized this until now.

So during these past two weeks, I just didn't have it in me.  Don't get me wrong, I kept up with my clean eating, but I just felt blah.  On top of that, last week I didn't go to the gym but only two days. Going to the gym is important to me.  Why?  Because when I work out, I get out my stress, frustrations and anything else that is on my mind.  This helps me so much.  And sure enough, missing almost the whole week, I had nothing to get my stress out.  So by the end of the week, I wanted to cave.  I wanted to crumble.  I wanted to EAT!  Eat bad stuff!  Stuff that I have not eaten for almost 4 months!!!  I controlled myself, but it was hard.

So, yea, I didn't even want to blog.  And I love to write down my feelings.  I love to express what is going on in my life during this journey.  I love to inspire others.  But it wasn't there!

So here we are.  At the 3 1/2 month mark.  On Friday (Oct. 4) I had my follow up.  I'll be honest with you, I wasn't sure what to expect with this follow up.  I knew I hadn't cheated.  I knew I had done my best.  But just didn't know what to expect.  I even told my nutritionist that I just wasn't sure.

So in the end, I lost another 4 pounds bringing me to  a total of 33 pounds since I started on June 24, 2012.  AWESOMENESS!!!  Wow, to think that I am 51 pounds away from my goal!  I can smell it!  I can taste it!  I can see it!  The transformation is amazing!  I left my follow-up on Friday, feeling joy. Feeling accomplishment.  I cried (secretly inwardly).

Speaking of crying....I've always been a cry baby.  I cry under all types of emotions:  good or bad. That's just how I am.  Well, I have not had a good cry lately.  I also feel like this has affected me.  I remember when my dad passed away.  The end result......I hadn't really cried.  I hadn't really had that moment of release.  I had this moment of release a whole year and half later.  So I know that when I do not release.....things don't go well for me.

So here I am, Monday night, 11pm......writing this blog is giving me some release.  Working out at the gym today gave me more release.  I talked with mom on the phone last night and it felt good...I'm gonna be okay.  I'm gonna be okay.

The choice that I have made to live this life of clean eating is NOT FOR A SEASON!  It is forever.  I will have good days and I will have bad days.  BUT I WILL NOT RETURN TO A LIFE OF MISERY....SADNESS....LAZINESS....UNHEALTHINESS.....I refuse to live like that again.   I choose to LIVE my life VICTORIOUS...one day at a time.

I have taken on a new MOJO in my journey.....

204 pounds - 20 pounds - 9 pounds = 175 pounds

Let's recap folks:

June 21, 2013 on a Friday afternoon at 3:30pm, i go to the appointment that is going to change my life. I go to meet my nutritionist for a life-changing challenge.  As she explains to me what is going to happen and what I was going to have to do to meet my goal....my jaw dropped.  I was going to have to lose 84 pounds to meet my healthy ideal weight for a person my size and age.  Inside I felt hopeless. Inside I felt lost.  Inside I DID NOT BELIEVE!

August 2, 2013 on another Friday afternoon at 3:30pm, i go for my first follow-up.  During the 6 weeks, before this date, I am doing what my nutritionist has asked me to do.  I am working out at Planet Fitness 5 times a week.  I am moving forward.  Inside there is still doubt.  What will be the results of 6 weeks of CLEAN EATING & WORKING OUT.  As I stand on that machine that tells me the truth about my body INSIDE & OUT.....she says it......"you have lost 20 pounds".  Are you kidding me? As I hold back tears, as she holds back tears and as my husband is witnessing this, such a joy!  6 weeks of CLEAN EATING and 5 days of working out at the gym.....paid off BIG TIME!  20 pounds gone! The fact that on June 21st I went in weighing 204 pounds....and now I'M UNDER 200 pounds....AMAZING!  So on this date (8/2/13) I weighed 184 pounds.  I walked out of there ready to take on the next 6 weeks!  Oh yeah, by this time I had dropped another size.  I was a size 14.

September 6, 2013 on another Friday afternoon at 3:30pm, i go for my second follow-up.  I do admit I went in with more confidence than the last time.  I knew my numbers were going to be very different. What do you mean different?  I knew the weight was less that I lost, but something happened in the last 2 weeks of this time period.  As I was working out at the gym and being guided by my nutritionist and trainer....things were happening to my body.  Good things.  I could see shape on my body.  I was losing inches.  I was gaining muscle where I had never seen before.  I knew it and others did too!  Sure enough, Size 14 was not fitting me and size 12 was what I was looking at.  I knew something big was happening, but wasn't sure what the follow-up was going to say.

you can read the numbers and see what crazy amazing results!

As I stand, once again, on that machine that tells me the truth about my body INSIDE & OUT....she says it..well actually....she doesn't say it...she just keeps shaking her head, smiling and saying....this is AMAZING!  So yea, I lost 9 pounds this time!  But here goes the rest.....3 inches OFF OF MY WAIST...and so on and so on.....look at the chart!!!!

So here are the numbers if you are keeping score.....ha....kind of like Fantasy Football stats!

June 21, 2013 - 204 pounds
August 2, 2013 - 184 pounds
September 6, 2013 - drum roll please...175 pounds

So as of now:
84 pounds targeted weight
29 pounds LOST in 3 months
55 pounds TO GO!!!

So this next phase until my next follow-up...I am kicking it up a notch....just a little...yea right....
I have come to realize that I am a gym rat, gym junkie, NOT A LUNK, but I love to work out!  So yep, gonna hit it hard at the gym these next 4 weeks!

To close this blog...I want to dedicate this one to my family:  hubby and kids and the dogs too :)
You guys inspire me to LIVE so that we can ENJOY our lives and family time!  And for the first time ever recorded anywhere that I have written, I'm going to say it......Scott and Julia Bloom I want to be a grandma!  I want to be alive and healthy to play and take care of and enjoy my grandbaby!!!!!  So yea, I said it.....I want to be a grandmother NOW!!!

Check out these pics...MIND BLOWING!

Pic on the left:  June 21, 2013, Pic on the right August 2, 2013

Pic on the left August 2, 2013, Pic on the right September 6, 2013

What is so hard about CLEAN EATING????

DISCIPLINE....that is what so hard about CLEAN EATING!  Just when you think you have nipped it in the bud.....you smell something so good....and you think....how can something that smells so good be so bad for me?  Yep.....DISCIPLINE!

This blog is a list of things that I HAVE NOT EATEN in 9 weeks:  (this is stuff that I would normally eat on any given occasion)
pizza
pizza
pizza
cheese
cheese
cheese
cereal
milk
dry creamer
chicken pot pie from Cheddar's Restaurant
Taco Cabana
Taco Cabana
Taco Cabana
Whataburger
Burger King
McDonald's
sodas
diet sodas
orange juice
apple juice
any kind of juice
mexican rice
refried beans
flour tortillas
pizza
pizza
pizza
potato chips
tortilla chips (i have had a few of these)
lime chips (i have had a few of these)
doritos
frito pie
cheese
cheese
cheese
beef
pork
any kind of salsa that came out of a jar
hot dogs
deli meat
white rice
Chipotle
pickles
eggs with the yolk
breakfast sausage
bacon
ice cream
cookies
cupcakes
pasta (other than whole wheat spaghetti that my nutritionist allowed me to have)
pop tarts
bagels with cream cheese
bread
bread
bread
bread.....

I'm sure there is way more food that I have not eaten, but these are the ones that I can still remember because I'm sure I still want to eat them LOL!  '

Check out what you get when you do have DISCIPLINE:

these are some size 14 capris I'm trying to get into

these size 14 pants when I first tried them on....DID NOT GO UP PAST MY MID THIGHS!  Now they are buttoned and zipped.  They still feel a little snug, but hey....ALMOST THERE!

I bought these Size 14 pants for a wedding.  They fit me loose and I probably will have to give them away soon!

9 weeks...LIME CHIPS...SIZE 14....DETERMINATION!

In the middle of the 9th week and things a rolling pretty good.  New menu makes things go faster.  I love that.  I love when my nutritionist sends me my new menus and recipes and all that good stuff.  It makes the next 2 weeks go by faster.

Being in the middle of 9 weeks, I feel like a lot has happened.  With so many people around me, I would say that I still struggle with junk food.  I smell pizza and it overwhelms me.  I smell potato chips and I am in heaven.  2 days of last week, my husband made some guacamole dip for a party we were going to.  When we arrived to my daughter's apartment, i grabbed some lime chips and took a few dips in the guacamole.  I'm not gonna lie....it was DELICIOUS!  Even more, those lime chips.....wow! Why would someone invent those horribly delicious chips!!!  LOL.  Anyways, I took a few tortilla chips and dipped into the guacamole dip again.  I was done.  After that....it was over.  I ate my meal I had brought and enjoyed it with some home-made salsa someone had brought.

2 days later, we were back at my daughter's apartment eating left overs from the party (I was eating my food), but there was a little guacamole left from the party.  I didn't have the guacamole, but I did grab me like 8 more lime chips.  Ate them and then I was done.  After that I ate my food.

So why do I write about the lime chips?  Because I love them!  Ha Ha!  But you really want to know why I'm writing about the lime chips?  I STOPPED EATING THEM!  Back in the day I would of eaten half the bag or probably the whole bag in ONE SITTING.  I would of devoured the guacamole dip and paid the price later on the toilet!  I kept thinking about those chips I ate as we were driving home.  You really want to know how I felt after?  NOT GUILTY!  But I actually felt proud because I STOPPED!

This is what I realized:  LIME CHIPS taste good, i will always love them, i will always want to eat them, they have a lot of salt, they taste good, i want them, don't bring them to my house, I CAN STOP MYSELF FROM EATING THEM!

So yea, just in case some of you are wondering if I am going over board on this nutrition thing....well yea I am.  Why?  Because it is MY LIFE STYLE......

I've been asked many times...so will you ever get to eat pizza, potato chips, cheese, etc?  I answer...I CAN EAT IT NOW IF I WANT....and BELIEVE ME I WANT TOO.....but it's not WORTH IT....

I'm sure there will come a time where I will eat pizza again, eat a sandwich with chips, etc., but when that time comes....I'll make sure to write my blog while I'm sitting on the toilet NOT ENJOYING what I ate :)

I went to the groceries yesterday, and I knew I was going to run into meal time.  so I put the shaker with protein powder in my purse, while in line to pay, I grabbed a cold water from the coolers there, poured it in, drank it and asked the cashier to charge me for the water...DONE!!  Any other time, I would of grabbed a bag of chips right there where they are displayed, open it and eat!

The moment when you feel overwhelmed........

What an incredible 7 weeks this has been!  Right after my 6 week follow-up, I found myself deep into a project.  During the 7th week I was preparing for an event taking place at my work.  Everyday of week 7 kept me so busy.  Each day of that week I was not able to go work out.  That was the first sign that I knew it was going to be crazy!  Don't get me wrong, I love this kind of craziness!  I live for it!  But I started getting nervous as the event was getting closer.  Nervous...why?  Was I going to be able to maintain my clean eating?  Would I use the busyness as an excuse just to eat what was offered?

Thursday came.....I made it!  I was surrounded by snacks.  I was surrounded by deli meat.  I was surrounded by chips and sodas!  I did it!  I kept my CLEAN EATING before me....no matter what!

Friday came....I made it!  Same stuff in front of me for 8 hours!  The end of the event it was time to get things put away and finished.  By the time I got home on Friday, I felt good.  First of all, the event went great.  Second, I came home NOT exhausted (physically).  I told my nutritionist that this was the first time my ankles/feet did not swell up.  I had been on my feet for over 8 hours.  My feet were not tired or did not ache.  Why?  20 pounds lighter will do MIRACLES!!!  LOVE IT!  And no snacks in my body full of sodium.

Saturday came and I got to sleep in.  This was heaven.  I gradually got up, made my breakfast and enjoyed my quiet time.  No one was home and this was beautiful.  I then got up and went to work for a few hours.  When I arrived home, I began to make dinner for my family.  During the day I was off a little on my eating schedule.  I knew this was going to mess me up, but not like real bad.  And then it happened.  I was alone again....hubby was in the room studying, but no one else was around.  I'm in the kitchen and whatever reason, I can't explain.  I just wanted to grab a fork and dig into the dinner I made for my family.  I not only wanted to eat it, but I wanted to EAT IT ALL!  Then I wanted some chips. And then I wanted cookies.  Why now?  Why now would this be so hard?  Why not during the event when all those stupid snacks were right there?  I found my answer.  Before I share my answer....let me just say that I did something right then and there that I can say is what WE SHOULD ALL DO for anything in our lives that we are so weak at.

I PUT ALL THE FOOD AWAY OUT OF SIGHT!  I JUST GOT IT OUT OF SIGHT!  I did not eat any of it.  And then I was fine.  After that, I began to process everything.  Why now?  What happened? I had not gone to work out for an entire week.  Some of you may think, what did that have to do with it?  EVERY TIME I WORK OUT, IT HELPS ME GET MY MIND OFF OF EVERYTHING!  The endorphins that come out of me during work out......YES!!!  I am able to release stress from EVERYTHING!  So by the time Saturday came and everything was quiet and settled.....it hit me hard!
Yea, working out is not just to get in shape...it's a great stress release!

During this weekend I had various conversations with various people about clean eating.  All I found myself saying...."it's a lifestyle".  When something throws off your lifestyle...it can really mess you up. Because I have chosen this life style, something that comes along that messes it up.....will mess me up. Something that used to be my lifestyle that hurt me, was back and it did not feel good.

So I ask, why would I ever want something to come back into my life to mess me up?  Sure stress is always going to be there.  Events will come and go.  People will come and go.  It's how we deal with them is what counts.  Working out helps me deal with it.  FOOD would just make it worse.

No, I'm not saying that I will conquer the next time or the next or the next...but I did it this time and that means a lot to me.  If I did it this time......I can do it again.

This is what I think....
If you need to make a life choice that is going to better your life.....then do it.  Just do it....one day at a time.  Don't set a goal that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt you can't even reach.  Set a "today" goal.  Don't set a time limit for your "day" goal.  Don't set a "I will do what she/he is doing" goal because people will fail you.  Just do it for YOU.  If you find yourself taking it one day at a time....then you know it is becoming a LIFE STYLE.....

My nutritionist told me to pick up one of these today...to remind me how much weight I use to carry around 6 weeks ago!!!!

The FOLLOW-UP after 6 weeks...

Today at 3:30pm I had my follow-up.
6 weeks of:
NO JUNK FOOD
NO BURGERS
NO PIZZA
NO SODAS
NO DIET SODAS
NO CHEESE
NO CHEESE
NO CHEESE.........

6 weeks of:
DISCIPLINE
DETERMINATION
DEDICATION
WORKING OUT
CONSISTENCY
FAITH in GOD
FAITH in ME
FAITH.........

Here we are today.  August 2, 2013 (Friday)...I'm sitting in the hotel room...a little nervous....so glad my husband went with me.

In 6 weeks I lost 20 pounds!  My nutritionist was so amazed!  I was amazed!  My husband was amazed!  My nutritionist said I broke all records!  WHEN SHE SAID THIS....it made me laugh....a really GOOD INSIDE FEELING LAUGH!!!

Wow!  What else do you want me to say in this blog?  I have nothing else to say.....oh yeah...here it is...
I AM OFFICIALLY A SIZE 14!  I AM OFFICIALLY OUT OF THE 200 pounds!  One more thing....I NOW BELIEVE IT....I am a PETITE woman.  My nutritionist said it too!!!!

There are other numbers I want to share with you.  My measurements and all that, but that will come later.  I HAVE HEALTHY NUMBERS and I WORKED MY BUTT OFF FOR THEM!!!! Literally!!!!!!!

My trainer rewarded me with this bracelet...I <3 being

in SHAPE!!!

Are you wondering yet? YES...I am still doing the CLEAN EATING!

Today I start the 6th week of clean eating.  What a journey....35 days have gone by and I have been able to keep cheese out of my body!  Now if I don't deserve a reward for that.  What would I reward myself?  Sure my first answer is CHEESE!  Lol!  But nope...I actually received my reward last week. Let me share this reward with you......

On Monday (July 23) after writing my previous blog, I began to think of my next incentive.  The first incentive were the pants that I mentioned, and we all know what happened....I was wearing them last week!  Woo Hoo!  So yea, I go to my closet and I would like to say that there was nothing else in my closet that DID NOT FIT ME (too small).  I actually just got rid of clothes that DOES NOT FIT ME (too big).  There in the far left corner I see them.......the pants.  These pants were given to me.  The person that gave them to me knew I had been working out at Asylum and that I had been losing inches. The pants were a size 14.  I told the person, "I don't wear a 14".  She proceeded to say, yes you do! You have lost a lot of weight.  I chuckled and thought to myself...."yea right!"

When I first tried those pants on, they did not go up past mid thigh.  REALLY SAD!  Anyways, I have kept these pants in my closet for over a year now.  I was going to try to wear them for my nieces wedding last year, but didn't quite get them up past my hips, LOL.  So every once in a while I try these on to see if there is any progress....

Back to the present now......some time in March of this year, I tried them on.  I was pretty amazed that they had sort of made it up my hips, but half way.  NO WAY ON THIS GREEN EARTH THEY WOULD GET PAST THAT!  Not with the 2 C-section belly that I have had and it is just ALL HANGING THERE!!!!!  Believe me, I have learned to live with it!!  So I thought......

So on July 23rd, after writing my blog, looking for another "clothing" incentive in my closet, I FOUND THE PANTS.  Dare I try them on?  What would happen next?  These pants could be my next incentive!  I took them off the hanger....I did it...I tried them on.  Not only did I try them on, but I pulled up those bad boys and they went past my hips.....totally past my hips!  They went up to where they needed to go and as of NOW...I need like an inch and a half for them to BUTTON UP!

You have no idea what this did for me!  The last time I was wearing a size 14 was in college (1984). Not only was it a NEW INCENTIVE...but it was MONUMENTAL!!!!!  I came out of the closet, looked at myself in the mirror....and there all by myself...I cried.  I cried.  I cried.  I stood there for a good 10 minutes and cried.  The dogs just stared at me.  The words that kept coming out of my mouth, "oh my goodness,"  "I can't believe it," "are you kidding me?", "I can't believe it" and of course more crying.  What a moment that I had all by myself to give me the NEXT PUSH for me to KEEP ON DOING MY THING!

Later on that day, I did call my nutritionist and cried over the phone with her and thanked her with words that weren't even enough.

So yea, I'm still EATING CLEAN and it has REWARDED ME more than I even get some times!  In the meantime:
I still miss cheese
I still miss Frito corn chips
I still miss McDonald's fries
I still miss popcorn from the movies
and yes...I still miss pizza!

But hey, after those pants.....I can live without the junk food!

this was my gift from Ramon for my "one month" of Clean Eating!

I HAVE COMPLETED ONE MONTH!!!

Completing one month on my clean eating has given me these results:
1.  A pair a pants I bought in April (because they were on clearance) that did NOT fit, now FIT ME!  I wore them on Sunday.
2.  Despite missing cheese and cheetos and junk food, I have not felt sluggish anymore.
3.  There is a new energy in me that makes me feel so young (not that I was feeling old, lol).
4.  I know I have lost weight.  DON'T WANT TO WEIGH MYSELF UNTIL I HAVE MY ASSESSMENT WITH MY NUTRITIONIST.
5.  People have been telling me, what are you doing?  Your face looks so slim and vibrant!  SCORE!
6.  My workout has become easier in the sense that I feel more energized!
7.  My portion sizes are paying off!

I probably could sit here and list more, but that would bore you to death!!!  Or maybe not!

On Sunday, July 21st, I completed ONE MONTH of this part 2 of my journey.  It was hard!  It took everything in me not to eat CHEESE!  LOL it's funny when people ask me how I'm doing, the first thing that comes out of my mouth, "I still miss cheese".  I never realized how addicted I was to cheese! But PROTEIN PANCAKES.....love those!  I could have these for breakfast everyday!  I actually made my protein pancake in my waffle iron.  LOVE THESE!  The past 2 weeks these babies were my comfort!  They tasted so great with a black cup of coffee!

Back to Sunday, I got up to get ready for church and thought...."should I wear the pants?"  I had tried them on Friday, but still thought I should wait.  Well, took them off the hanger, took off the tags, ironed them and put them on.  WOW!  Zipped them up, snapped the button and then I cried!  I cried there all by myself staring at myself in the mirror.  The pants fit.  Not only did they fit, but in the "crotch" area, they are loose!  POETIC JUSTIC to that belly fat!!!!  They fit.  There is something that is so amazing deep down inside when you put on the pair of pants that you know that you will wear for a little while and then probably have to donate later because you will still drop more sizes!

Let me tell you something about me.  I have never been the one to keep clothes in my closet of different sizes.  You can ask my family.  I hardly buy clothes.  I keep clothes even if they are old because I will keep wearing them.  I never wear tight fitting clothes.  I would rather wear loose fitting clothes.  I do not have various sizes of clothes in my closet so that way when I am going up and down in weight I can have options.

This is who I am.  I am getting rid of clothes as I am dropping weight/sizes.  I am not keeping it for back-up.  Back-up for what?  Because I am going to at some point start eating things that I shouldn't again.  Because soon I will get to eat "normal" again.  What is normal?  CLEAN EATING is normal.

This is who I am.  I make LIFE CHOICES!  When I make a LIFE CHOICE I live it.  LIFE CHOICE means I want to live this way!  Am I saying that I am perfect?  NO WAY!  Am I saying that I will mess up?  OH YEA!  But my JOURNEY is to move forward.  My JOURNEY is to move forward and keep going!

Sure I have a goal that I want to reach.  But I when I reach it.....then what?  Do I then just want to MAINTAIN?  Do I then just sit back and relax?  NO!!!  When you make a LIFE CHOICE....you live! I want to LIVE.  I want to do things that I never could!  I want to move forward!

I am so excited to LIVE!  The things I have planned to do.....LOVE IT!

So you ask me....is it worth it?  Yesterday I spoke with someone about my clean eating.  They asked me, I just didn't stand on my soap box to preach, lol.  They asked, I spoke!  After they shared with me how they eat and their patterns.  After I shared with them what I eat.  That person said, "keep it up, because what you are doing, is working".  It felt great to hear that, but inside I felt sad.  Sad because despite the "health" problems this person shared they were having, I realized....it's a LIFE CHOICE.  I proceeded to share with this person that my dad dying 3 years ago is why I chose to make a LIFE CHOICE to live.  I had the same disease that killed my dad:  HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.  I told myself and I told God, I DO NOT WANT TO DIE!!!  I want to live.

I got a little choked up when I was sharing this with this person, because even after 3 years, I still remember that day I got the phone call from my sister to tell me that dad had a stroke.  Believe me, this was one of the hardest things to hear over the phone.

So yes after sharing yesterday, I was once reminded (as I was wearing the pants that NOW FIT ME), I AM LIVING!!

Yep, I've become one of those people...bring my food with me everywhere I go!  IS IT WORTH IT???  Yes it is!

Week 3 and feeling it....but in a good way!

Got my new menu for 3rd & 4th week.  Love it!  It's not even like crazy outlandish food!  It's stuff that I have been cooking and eating.  Lean Turkey Ground, Tilapia, Salmon and yes more chicken!  The portions are actually getting to be to much for me.  I get excited to eat it all up though!  And I do eat it all up!  I find myself eating way slower.  My metabolism has increased so much!  The green tea is working great!

All these things sum up something for the start of week 3....

My clothes are fitting me lose...again.  At first I thought I was imagining it.  But nope, even after week 1, the pair of shorts I bought for this summer fit me loose.  Since I began Asylum and lost those 3 sizes, I wear a Large in T-shirts.  Well, the Large are starting to fit looser. This is great!  Don't get me started on my underwear...LOL....but yes, those are fitting me like granny panties!  Since Asylum I went down 2 sizes on my underwear....LOL...now those are loose.

Energy.....my energy is a whole new thing too!  Now with working out and the clean eating....this energy level is BAM!!!  Love it!  I find myself not wanting to just sit around.  I get myself up to do things.

In the midst of all of this....have only gone out to eat only once in these 3 weeks.  We had a reception to go to.  I referred to my notes from my nutritionist....pick grilled chicken.  No tortilla chips.  Yep!  Did that!  Ate half of the portion of the chicken, rice and beans.  Asked them to not put the chili sauce on the chicken.  This worked out great!

In the midst of all of this....don't feel like I'm missing out on FOOD!  I can say I still miss cheese!  LOL..but that is my weird relationship I have with cheese!  Not craving weird stuff like chili dogs anymore.  I'm getting the hang of this eating stuff on a very good schedule.  My body reminds me when it 's time to eat.  It's like CLOCK WORK!

My health is good.  All is good.  The pre-menopause phase is getting better.  I'm feeling healthy on the inside like never before.  The start of week 3 has me feeling more confident than ever!  I'm waiting to get some changes on my workout so I can take it up a notch.  I'm ready for this!!!

love these power yogurts!

Week 2....probably the worst time because of 4th of July!!!

My trainer from Asylum Fitness is out of town on a much needed vacation.  The gym will be closed for the month of July.  So my Health & Nutrition Coach suggested I join Planet Fitness for that month and she would send me exercises/workouts.  So this past Sunday, I enrolled in Planet Fitness.

After the Planet Fitness thing, the hubby and I are grocery shopping for the upcoming week.  I am buying all my stuff I need to get for my clean eating Week 2.  In the midst of that, I find myself telling the hubby, "I miss cheese".  "I miss pizza".  "When am I ever going to eat cheese again?"  Do you see a pattern here?  LOL

As I am buying stuff to grill for 4th of July, all I can think of.....this is going to be hard.  Way harder than I think.  Of course on Sunday, I have already made up my mind that I am going to NOT follow my Nutrition Plan on Thursday (4th of July).  Don't you just love my determination?  NOT!!!  I'm buying hot dogs and burgers for the gang.  This doesn't bother me.  Believe me, it really doesn't.  But cheese?  How I love thee cheese!  Chili dogs....lately I've been craving these.  Why?  It's not like we always eat them.  We hardly ever do.  But funny, how the body plays tricks on you.

Back to my determination.  On Monday I went to Planet Fitness.  When I left, I thought....I can't ruin week 2.  Today I went to Planet Fitness, and I thought....I can't ruin Week 2.  So as of now, I am determined NOT TO RUIN WEEK 2.  Tomorrow, our staff is having a cookout.  Here we go.....will I have the same determination?  I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

I have been speaking more openly about this nutritious eating with my hubby.  I feel that it is helping me more.  I feel that if I talk it out, the good and bad, it will help me process it!  I do NOT want to be talked out of what I'm doing,  But at the same time, I need to tell someone about my weakness.  I find myself crying out to God more than ever.  I figure if there is anyone that knows about clean eating...it's him.  Yep, I figure if he fasted for 40 days (no food), he can truly understand my "still" eating, but clean food.

This whole journey brings back to mind a book I read for my IMPACT group, "Soul Detox"...wow....I get it!

these sugar-free jello shots (that's what my son calls them)  are  perfect!

Day 3.....not gonna lie....this is hard....i have a fear that i can't explain....but then comes HOPE

To put it simple, Day one came a little too easy for me.  I think it was the whole prep thing of getting everything ready and just trying it for the first time.

Day two came and 4:30 pm came and hit me like a ton of bricks.  The mind is a terrible thing that messes me up!  I sincerely thought I was going to cave.  Ramon is asleep on the sofa, I have my chicken breast in the oven, but hunger is setting in.  Sure, I knew deep down inside I was not starving.  I knew that my tummy was grumbling, but I was not going to die!  But the mind......it's telling me that my hunger is bigger than what it really is.  With Ramon being asleep, it was so easy for me to eat from the bag of Cheetos Puff I have in the pantry.  It was just so easy, because NO ONE WAS AROUND and Ramon was asleep.  You don't understand....Day two and I already caving?  This is SO NOT LIKE ME!  I do NOT cave this fast.  What did I do?  I set my alarm for 30 minutes (dinner would be ready) and I fell asleep on the sofa.  That was my answer to this solution.  I SHUT MY BRAIN OFF!  My alarm rang, I could smell the chicken, I jumped up.....and I ate!  Oh sweet 5oz piece of chicken and 2 cups of broccoli....food never tasted so yummy!

After the very first bite....what happens?  My brain starts working.  I'm not "starving" anymore.  I really wasn't famished like I "thought" I was.  I put my fork down after the first bite and I savored my food.  Slowly and with enjoyment, I ate my dinner and it was wonderful.  I finished and got up, cleared the dishes and NO ONE DIED!  Ha ha!  An hour later, I enjoyed my 1/2 cup portion of sugar free jello....REWARD!

My mind is just awful!  My mind is just going to play tricks on me.  I would rather listen to my physical body than my mind.  And this is my focus for week one.

The hope that came to me was today.  I spoke with such a dear person in my life and she amazed me with her words.  She has taken on the challenge to eat healthy and start working out.  I encouraged her and told her I would give her tips and just be there for her if she just needed to talk.  She shared that this morning, she heard the alarm go off for her to get up and work out.  She had decided already that she was not going to workout.  And then she thought of me.  After reading my blog, she said to herself, "If Lupe can do this, so can I".  She got out of bed and worked out.  Wow!  This made my day.  I love the "little" nuggets of HOPE that God brings along our path.

So yes, if anything....HOPE comes in the morning :)

My sugar free jello portions, always ready for me!

My turkey scramble for my burrito in the morning, this was a yummy recipe!

My Waldorf Salad for lunch...loved this recipe!

Where to begin....

I finally hit a wall.  I hit a wall of "failure".  What does it feel like when one hits a wall?  Physically, when you hit a wall...you are going to hurt and have some damage.  Mentally, when you hit a wall, it can destroy you.  I hit a "mental wall" of failure.

What kind of things can go on in your head that can cause a mental failure?  Just so you know, these are the phrases that have been going on in my head for about 3 months:
"Maybe if I run more, I can kick butt on fat,"  "Don't miss a single day of workout girl," "Push yourself more," "Keep measuring your food," "Don't give up," "What am I doing wrong now," "Why is it that I have lost inches, but not weight," "Why is it that i have lost 4 sizes, but I still can't drop weight," "should I just stop," "has it been worth it for all this time,".

Yes, you get the picture, right?  I probably had these questions/conversations go on in my head and tons more, non-stop.  Now that I have hit this wall, I have plateaued and it seems that I am stuck.  I am stuck with the workout that seems to not work anymore.  I am stuck with the "counting calories" that seem to have died off.  I am stuck with boring meals.  I am stuck with feeling unaccomplished.  One would think after reading my first blog:  gravy4blogspot.com  that it was all working!  That is was going fantastic.  Well it was.  It is, but somehow, I am lost.  Somehow I am confused.  Somehow I want to quit.  The worse thing for me is to quit.  I hardly ever quit.  I hardly ever stop.  I hardly ever feel like a failure.  So why now?  Why now when I have been doing this for 1 1/2 years?

My meals.  I am tired of trying to figure out what I should eat and when to eat and how to eat.  I pretty much am sick of eating.  I want to give up.  I tired of scanning/counting/weighing and just plain cooking.  Why?  Why?  Why?  I have plateaued.  Where do I go now?  What do I do now?  How do I face people and tell them, that I have failed and I will quit?

And then I find this:  http://www.hnsbygeorgina.com
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like this surfing on the web thing.  I know this person.  I have interaction with this person.  So why now?  Why do I pay attention now?  Ever get that feeling, "gut" feeling, that something is not right.  That feeling that I am missing something?  That is where I was.  So I contacted my dear friend and sent her a message via facebook.  Did she respond?  Yes and quickly.

June 21, 2013 I met with her and shared how I felt and where I was at.  She heard me.  She understood me.  She rescued me.  After rescuing me, she handed me "reality" on a piece of paper.  84 pounds are what I need to shed to maintain a healthy life.  Never in my mind could I imagine this.  I did not share this with her, but I was deathly frightened.  I shared with my husband that when I chose to join The Asylum and face this workout, I thought that was a big leap of faith, but 84 pounds, this scared me.  I am still scared.  I am still in the "unbelief" stage.  I am still playing that number over and over in my head.

So here is the truth.  When I started Asylum Fitness on January 16, 2012, I weighed in at 220 pounds.  Yes this 5 ft frame was weighing that.  As of now I have lost 4 sizes.  What do I weigh now?  I weigh 204 pounds.  So think about it, I have only lost 16 pounds.  Now I have lost tons of body fat.  4 months into this (2012) my trainer did my BFM and I had lost an entire person.  Don't get me wrong.  I am amazed at what I have accomplished.  But now do you understand why I hit a wall?  Now do you understand why I have plateaued?  This is where I am.  What am I doing wrong?  What is NOT working.

So here we are today, June 24, 2013.  With the coaching of Georgina Fourzan, I am on a journey (Part 2) to a healthier me!  My 5ft frame cannot support 220 pounds.  My 5ft frame cannot support 205 pounds.  So what am I going to do about it?  NOT DIET!  I will NOT DIET!  But I will continue to eat NUTRITIOUSLY!  And this is where Georgina comes in!  I will be given all my meal plans/portions/recipes from now on until I reach my goal.  I will EAT CLEAN!
1.  Eliminate refined sugar
2.  Cook healthy meals
3.  Pack healthy meals
4.  Make healthy choices when dining out
5.  Drink lots of water
6.  Eat 5-6 small meals per day
7.  Eliminate alcoholic beverages (no problem, been doing this for 30 years)
8.  ALWAYS EAT BREAKFAST!

That's it. Nothing fancy here.  This is what I was doing, but now, Georgina will help me pick the right combination of food for "my" body.  Not your body.  Not my husband's body.  Not anyone, but me. But what about The Asylum?  Will I get to stop working out and just eat what she tells me and magically it will all be gone?  NOT EVEN CLOSE!  I will continue to workout everyday.  Just a side note, my Asylum Fitness Trainer is excited for me!  She is cheering for me!  She can hardly wait as I go on to Part 2.  She will still be and continue to be a HUGE PART in this journey.  But now...I have 2 strong ladies to help me out.  Actually when I think of it, I have a lot of people supporting me on this journey.....thank you so much to all of you.


If there is anything that I can say or do to persuade you...would be this...how bad do you want to live?

This is my Progress Picture that my coach took on June 21, 2013.  

I do.  I want to live to see my grandkids.  I want to live to run a 5k.  I want to live to hold Ramon's hand forever.  I want to live in honor of my father who died of a stroke.  I want to live to see my son's dreams come true on being that musician for the world to see!  I want to design weddings and events and buy me a barn to have my own venue.  Yes....I want to live!