Love Alone is Worth the Fight...

So what can I say about my run this past Sunday?
Waking up that morning I was nervous.  I did sleep but tossed and turn and kept waking up.
There is something about doing something for the first time that just brings on the nerves.
I remember when I started singing on stage I would get these balls of nerves and the shakes.  I still get that when I am going to sing.
I like those kind of nerves.
It always reminds me that I am human.
So here we are Sunday morning and it's like 35 degrees.  The nerves came also because of the unknown.  Not even knowing how this things is going down.

All I know is this.....(this is what is going on in my head)
Our group is up next to take off.  I have my song list ready.  I have my head phones on.  The last thing Ramon tells me is that when we take off, I have to pass people on my left.  That it is going to be hard because we are in the back and most of the people are walking not running.  The last thing I do is kiss my husband.  (He stayed running behind me the whole time...he said he did not want to throw me off).

The canon is shot.
All I know is that as soon as I cross the mat, my time has started.
I hit play on my head set so my music starts.  I use my music to set my pace.  I know exactly how many songs I need to be running to for each mile.
The nerves are building.
People are walking.  People are cheering.  People are talking.
I am trying to get past all the ones walking.  It's crowded and I'm getting more nervous because all I do is think about my music and that my pace is already behind because I'm not running in the open wide.

When I finally get a clearly, I put the thoughts of being "off" my pace out of my head.
I had to because I was just making myself more nervous.
I then begin to run.
We get to the first 1mile marker and the 4th song has just started....whew!  I give Ramon a thumbs up that I was on my mark.  Actually, when the 4th song starts, I am usually hitting the 1 mile mark on the chorus of the song, so I knew I was doing a better pace.  This gave me a BIG MOTIVATIONAL PUSH!

After the 1 mile, the 2nd mile was hard.  Only because it was all climbing.  My thoughts went off, "when is this climbing going to stop?"  This worried me because I felt a little tired.  I didn't want to get off my pace either, so here goes the mind tricks again.
I did not want to walk.  My goal for this first race, DON'T WALK.  I wanted to run the entire 5K.  
I kept pushing.
The area where there was dirt and rocks made me nervous.
I did not want to trip/slip/fall.
I slowed down some, to be careful.

We hit the 2nd mile mark and I'm thinking..."please NO MORE CLIMBING".
The good thing for me is that running at home I climb 2 hills every time.
So this helped me stay focused on the climb.
After the 2nd mile mark, I can see it evening out.  No more climbing.
I just thanked God in my head!

Let me throw something here.
I added some new songs to my running playlist.
I did not have a chance to hear them.  I bought Switchfoot's new album.
I selected a few songs that I liked their titles, but did not have a chance to hear them.

So getting to the end of this run, I can see the finish line.
There is just something that happens when you see the finish line.
Your body is tired, but your mind/the visual sees the finish line and you give it all you got.
So here we go.
I have to finish this and go HARD!
Sure enough, a new song comes on my playlist...
It starts and I'm getting closer to the finish line and here is what I am hearing on my headphones as I am crossing the finish line:

"Love Alone Is Worth The Fight"

I'm trying to find where my place is 
I'm looking for my own oasis 
So close I can taste this 
The fear that love alone erases 

So I'm back to the basics 
I figure it's time I face this 
Time to take my own advice 

Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight 

And I never thought it'd come to this 
But it seems like I'm finally feeling numb to this 
The funny thing about a name is 
You forget what the reason you were playing the game is 

And it's all an illusion 
A 21st century institution 
So I'm headed down the open road unknown 

And we find what we're made of 
Through the open door 
Is it fear you're afraid of? 
What are you waiting for? 

Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight

We're only here for a season 
I'm looking for the rhyme and reason 
Why you're born, why you're leaving 
What you fear and what you believe in 

Why you're living and breathing 
Why you're fighting it and getting it even 
Let's go headed down the open road unknown 

And we find what we're made of 
Through the open door 
Is it fear you're afraid of? 
What are you waiting for? 

Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight 

Yeah, yeah, yeah 
Oh! Oh! 

Here we are, here we go 
Where the road is our own 
Hear it calling you home 
Here we are, here we go! 

Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight 
Love alone is worth the fight

I high-lighted the part that was playing on my headphones as I was crossing the finish line. 

All I can say is WOW!  This is how I know that God is with me.  He just knows what I need and when I need it!

So I'm headed down the open road unknown....

And I have found what I am made of...

Love alone is worth the fight!

All my emotions/feelings/thoughts ended with me knowing that I am so worth it!  That my family is worth it!  My dad's death is so worth it!  My clean-eating/health life-style is so worth it!

As I crossed that line I was filled with so much gratitude!

The tears streamed down my face.

The crying of shear ACCOMPLISHMENT was heard....

I hugged Ramon, crying, and telling him thank you for being by my side and how much I loved him.

What a moment in my life.

What can I say.....
I'm getting ready for the next 5K...

My goal is to do 2 more 5Ks...then...

Run a 10K.....

End the 2014 year running a half marathon!

"Love alone is worth the fight"

Thank you to Ramon, Julia, Andrew & Scott.  I love you so much and you are my everything and "you are worth the fight".

Dad, this is for you.  You are the reason I am living a life of "wanting to live"!  Dad, you will always be worth the fight!

....and Georgina Fourzan...thank you for teaching me how to live healthy.  My body would never be ready to do anything like this if it wasn't for you...i love my new life-style!

these are the pics I carry in my backpack

I had this engraved on my very first 5K medal

My first of many.....

This blog is about a huge accomplishment.  I signed up to run in a 5K.  My first ever.  I have been running almost everyday for the past 3 weeks getting ready for this.  Every time I have ran, I have been doing 2 miles only.  Today I had to try the 3.  I knew it was time.  This whole week has had me so nervous.  Why?  It's not like I am going to get in trouble or scolded for not running 3 miles, lol.  I've had a nervous of...."can I do this"?  There is something to say when you have this feeling deep inside. Let me share with you why I think I've had this feeling....

All I can remember is in PE class in middle school, when we had to run, not gonna happen.  I was always told, your flat footed, you probably can't run.  Yep, that helped me a lot.  It sure gave me an excuse not to run.  I hated running.  I hated that we had to run a mile in PE, while the teachers/coaches just sat there talking.  An occasional "yell" was heard from them when they saw that we were NOT running.  Thanks coach!  Have another donut!!!

So as time has gone by, here I am 2014...who would of thought it.  I just remember 2 years ago when I started my "get healthy" life, I couldn't even run one mile.  I remember the first day at Asylum, I couldn't even run one lap.  Woah baby, I've come a long way.

44 pounds lighter, wearing a size 8 (had to throw that in there, hee hee), I can run 3 miles.  Not only can I run 3 miles, but I am fixing to run my first 5K!  It still blows my mind.

So back to today at lunch time.  I went outside and got ready to run the 15 laps that would equal to 3 miles.  Wow....the mind can talk you into something or talk you out of something.  35 degrees and a sunny day, I figured this is the temp/weather I will have on Sunday in Las Cruces.  Here we go.  By the time I got to my last lap, I had to stay focused.  I thought of me, my husband and kids and my dad.  No kidding.  Those were the 3 things that kept me going!  I told Ramon (the hubby) that it's funny that I hear people/see people that are running and when they get to the last stretch, they kick it in high gear and finish it strong!  I kept thinking, how does one do this?  By the time I was on the last lap...I wanted to stop!  I was tired, my legs were tired and I had snot coming out of my nose like nobody's business! Sure enough, when I made that last turn for the last stretch, I wanted to finish bad.  I kept saying out loud, "come on Lupe", "don't quit", "come on Lupe"........so yea, I did it.  All I could do was cry.  And cry I did.  I kept walking to keep my legs moving, but I cried like a baby.  More snot came out.  My jacket will be going in the washer today, lol.  I just kept crying.  I thanked God out loud.  I told dad that it was for him!  I cried and cried and cried even more.  I finally regained my composure and text Ramon to come outside.  He came thinking I was hurt, because I was hunched over sitting down.  He asked me right away if I was alright.  I said, "I did it", "I ran the 3 miles" and then I broke down again. He hugged me and loved me with his words....(getting choked up again as I am writing)....he said "you did this", "you did this all by yourself", "you have been working so hard for the past months".....words aren't even enough to express how I felt.

So this Sunday as I cross the finish line, it will be the first of many of these 5Ks that I will run.  Before 2014 is over, I want to run a half marathon.  Next year 2015, I will run a full marathon!  May 17th of this year I will be 48 years old.  I feel like a 20 year old.  I am someone that no longer has the haunting phrases of "your flat footed", "you are over weight", "you can't do this" to keep her down.

And here I finish with this...
"Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.”  Joshua 1:9

this was after the 3 mile run today.  my nose is red, not from the cold, but from crying!!  LOL

Happy Anniversary to me....

On January 16, 2012 I made the life-changing choice to get LIVE a healthy life.  2 years have gone by and I am in this for life. So much has changed!  Things for the better.  Going to a nutritionist is probably the best thing I have ever done.  AMAZING life-change!  7 months into this Clean Eating life-style and wow!  Wow!

On New Years Eve, I was at a party and they had a paper where you wrote down what you wanted to do in 2014.  I wrote.....run my first of many 5ks....

Today, I registered for my very first 5k.  Words can not express how I am feeling.  When I set it in my mind that I was going to do this...FEAR entered in.  But from FEAR came GUMPTION!

gumption - courage; spunk; guts

And then I was reminded of this....
"Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.”  Joshua 1:9 (Message Bible)

So here I am....registered to run my first 5K

I had my follow-up with my nutritionist and I lost another 6 pounds!  So with that...I know I can run this 5K....

Let me share this with you...
I am not perfect.  But it is in those imperfections that I am learning to NOT QUIT!   I will not find myself...QUITTING!  QUITTING to me means "I don't want to live".  Well, I am living and I love it!

God is with me, my husband has always been by my side (he's actually running with me at this 5K) and my kids mean the world to me and I will do anything to live a long life to enjoy them and their kids. So yea, I am never QUITTING.  I will have bad days (believe me I have them already), but I WILL NOT QUIT!  And on those days when I am wanting to QUIT....I will remember that 2 years ago I made a choice to LIVE....

LIVE for God
LIVE for me
LIVE for my family
LIVE for the memory of my dad......

So with the end of this blog, 44 pounds lighter and a 5K to run on January 26th.......2014 here I come!

Here's a cool note*
I tried on some size 8 jeans...yep...THEY FIT!  Unbelievable!!!!!!

Here is my follow up picture with my nutritionist!  Looking LEAN and MEAN!

Accomplished...

My last blog was on Nov. 18, 2013.  That lets you know how busy I have been.  So much has happened since last time.  I am still CLEAN EATING....what a lifestyle change!  Working out is still part of my routine.  The last month and half of the year, I did not get to workout hardly at all.  This made me sad.  Working out helps me get out all stress.  I managed and didn't kill anyone...LOL.

So here we are in 2014.  I have never really been a new year's resolution person.  The honest reason why, I never held up my end.  But since January 16, 2012 when I decided to change my health, I have stuck with it.  January 16, 2014 is almost here and this will mark 2 years of this lifestyle change. Unbelievable!

Today I went for 1.5 mile run.  As I was walking back to cool down, I begin to think of so much that has gone on.  First of all, I talked to God and thanked him for another healthy year of life.  2 years ago, I honestly think I would of been a full diabetic with severe high blood pressure.  As crazy as this sound, I would of been treading on thin ice and heading towards death.  Not anymore!  

Back to the run today.  As I talked with God, I began to process things with God.  He knows my thoughts and plans.  Why? Because He is in my life.  I admitted to God today that I was SCARED.  I have been contemplating to do something on January 26, but as I think about it, I get excited, but then SCARED.  I told God that.  So yes, after having this conversation with God, I remembered this....

"Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.”  Joshua 1:9 (Message bible)

So I decided...Yes, I will take this step on January 26, 2014.  And before you ask me, not gonna tell you!  LOL...but I will eventually.

Back to my run...as I made up my mind and talked it over with God, I began to cry.  Why?  Because I think of where I was before this very day.  I was dying.  I was killing my body.  I was killing myself. Every burger, fry, soda, pizza, candy, corn chip.....I was eating was killing me.  Every day that I sat on the sofa and did nothing.....I was killing myself.  It took my dad's death to shake me.  And when I say shake, I mean it.  I lost my sense of living.  I lost my sense of processing my thoughts.  I  lost my way to God.  

And now we are here.  40+ pounds lighter.......Clean Eating everyday....hitting the gym as much as I can because I love it....so as I mentioned before, no resolutions for me....but I have a word that I have taken as my word for 2014....

ACCOMPLISHED.  Why this word?  At the end of the day, no matter what I have done or not done, I want to feel ACCOMPLISHED.  If I finished my work day, workout, projects, etc., I want to feel ACCOMPLISHED.  If I read just one scripture for the day or a whole chapter, I want to feel ACCOMPLISHED.  If I did nothing but rest and relax for the day, I want to feel ACCOMPLISHED. Day 9 into 2014 and so far I feel ACCOMPLISHED.  On those days that I do not feel ACCOMPLISHED for whatever reason......I will close my eyes, sleep and wake up to a new day.

My nutritionist is having my log everything I eat and drink...OUCHERS talk about ACCOUNTABILITY!  But hey, it works!  Bring it on!!!