Where to begin....

I finally hit a wall.  I hit a wall of "failure".  What does it feel like when one hits a wall?  Physically, when you hit a wall...you are going to hurt and have some damage.  Mentally, when you hit a wall, it can destroy you.  I hit a "mental wall" of failure.

What kind of things can go on in your head that can cause a mental failure?  Just so you know, these are the phrases that have been going on in my head for about 3 months:
"Maybe if I run more, I can kick butt on fat,"  "Don't miss a single day of workout girl," "Push yourself more," "Keep measuring your food," "Don't give up," "What am I doing wrong now," "Why is it that I have lost inches, but not weight," "Why is it that i have lost 4 sizes, but I still can't drop weight," "should I just stop," "has it been worth it for all this time,".

Yes, you get the picture, right?  I probably had these questions/conversations go on in my head and tons more, non-stop.  Now that I have hit this wall, I have plateaued and it seems that I am stuck.  I am stuck with the workout that seems to not work anymore.  I am stuck with the "counting calories" that seem to have died off.  I am stuck with boring meals.  I am stuck with feeling unaccomplished.  One would think after reading my first blog:  gravy4blogspot.com  that it was all working!  That is was going fantastic.  Well it was.  It is, but somehow, I am lost.  Somehow I am confused.  Somehow I want to quit.  The worse thing for me is to quit.  I hardly ever quit.  I hardly ever stop.  I hardly ever feel like a failure.  So why now?  Why now when I have been doing this for 1 1/2 years?

My meals.  I am tired of trying to figure out what I should eat and when to eat and how to eat.  I pretty much am sick of eating.  I want to give up.  I tired of scanning/counting/weighing and just plain cooking.  Why?  Why?  Why?  I have plateaued.  Where do I go now?  What do I do now?  How do I face people and tell them, that I have failed and I will quit?

And then I find this:  http://www.hnsbygeorgina.com
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't like this surfing on the web thing.  I know this person.  I have interaction with this person.  So why now?  Why do I pay attention now?  Ever get that feeling, "gut" feeling, that something is not right.  That feeling that I am missing something?  That is where I was.  So I contacted my dear friend and sent her a message via facebook.  Did she respond?  Yes and quickly.

June 21, 2013 I met with her and shared how I felt and where I was at.  She heard me.  She understood me.  She rescued me.  After rescuing me, she handed me "reality" on a piece of paper.  84 pounds are what I need to shed to maintain a healthy life.  Never in my mind could I imagine this.  I did not share this with her, but I was deathly frightened.  I shared with my husband that when I chose to join The Asylum and face this workout, I thought that was a big leap of faith, but 84 pounds, this scared me.  I am still scared.  I am still in the "unbelief" stage.  I am still playing that number over and over in my head.

So here is the truth.  When I started Asylum Fitness on January 16, 2012, I weighed in at 220 pounds.  Yes this 5 ft frame was weighing that.  As of now I have lost 4 sizes.  What do I weigh now?  I weigh 204 pounds.  So think about it, I have only lost 16 pounds.  Now I have lost tons of body fat.  4 months into this (2012) my trainer did my BFM and I had lost an entire person.  Don't get me wrong.  I am amazed at what I have accomplished.  But now do you understand why I hit a wall?  Now do you understand why I have plateaued?  This is where I am.  What am I doing wrong?  What is NOT working.

So here we are today, June 24, 2013.  With the coaching of Georgina Fourzan, I am on a journey (Part 2) to a healthier me!  My 5ft frame cannot support 220 pounds.  My 5ft frame cannot support 205 pounds.  So what am I going to do about it?  NOT DIET!  I will NOT DIET!  But I will continue to eat NUTRITIOUSLY!  And this is where Georgina comes in!  I will be given all my meal plans/portions/recipes from now on until I reach my goal.  I will EAT CLEAN!
1.  Eliminate refined sugar
2.  Cook healthy meals
3.  Pack healthy meals
4.  Make healthy choices when dining out
5.  Drink lots of water
6.  Eat 5-6 small meals per day
7.  Eliminate alcoholic beverages (no problem, been doing this for 30 years)
8.  ALWAYS EAT BREAKFAST!

That's it. Nothing fancy here.  This is what I was doing, but now, Georgina will help me pick the right combination of food for "my" body.  Not your body.  Not my husband's body.  Not anyone, but me. But what about The Asylum?  Will I get to stop working out and just eat what she tells me and magically it will all be gone?  NOT EVEN CLOSE!  I will continue to workout everyday.  Just a side note, my Asylum Fitness Trainer is excited for me!  She is cheering for me!  She can hardly wait as I go on to Part 2.  She will still be and continue to be a HUGE PART in this journey.  But now...I have 2 strong ladies to help me out.  Actually when I think of it, I have a lot of people supporting me on this journey.....thank you so much to all of you.


If there is anything that I can say or do to persuade you...would be this...how bad do you want to live?

This is my Progress Picture that my coach took on June 21, 2013.  

I do.  I want to live to see my grandkids.  I want to live to run a 5k.  I want to live to hold Ramon's hand forever.  I want to live in honor of my father who died of a stroke.  I want to live to see my son's dreams come true on being that musician for the world to see!  I want to design weddings and events and buy me a barn to have my own venue.  Yes....I want to live!